Saturday, April 29, 2006

Headline: Plenty taking the merry carriage of marriage

Going to celebrate a wedding every month this summer. It’s that time in life. Pretty exciting :)

Guess what? Hannelle and I have been watching this very handsome fluffy white male pigeon that has been strutting about on our porch balcony. We thought that perhaps he was being a bit too forward with the ladies, but it looks like things have turned out lovely for him. The chicks are flocking him now, but he found a sweet little lady bird and they have two chicks nesting on our porch now! The chicks are absolutely amazing! What is neat is that the parents take turns nesting the chicks :)

Last Friday I went and saw the Supersuckers with some coworkers. It was super good times!

Some things I don’t like:
~When friends are too far away and it’s not easy to stay in touch
~When friends live close-by and time just passes without our seeing each other
~Lack of energy ~Boredom ~Stagnation
~Succumbing to weaknesses, when you are better than that ~And even worse; when one is unjustifyingly stubborn about it
~Managing Money

Some things I like:
~The movie Fight Club
~Girl time
~Classic books
~Walking outside
~The TV Shows: House and Dead Like Me

Thursday, April 20, 2006

They are $17 each. If you want to go with me, get in touch with me!
It will be fun!!

I ALSO have 10 complimentary tickets to:
The Photographic and Digital Imaging Show in Toronto
May 12, 13 & 14th
They are FREE and I am looking for people to give them to!
So, if you would like to get ahold of these babies, give me a shout!! :)

Tuesday, April 18, 2006


Listening to:
Belle and Sebastian’s 2 Disc Push Barman to Open Old Wounds, particularly the songs I Love My Car, A Century of Fakers, Legal Man, Photo Jenny, Lazy Line Painter Jane, Take Your Carriage Clock and Shove it ~Gotta love those titles, Belle and Sebastian is priceless!

One Tree Hill Season 2 ~ ya… it’s been intense, I laughed, I cried, I dropped my jaw in utter distress, I spent too many hours in front of the tv…
King Kong ~ loved it! Loved it! Sat on the edge of my seat for most of this one :) and I love the 30s

The Short History of Kierkegaard ~still getting into it… history is not my kind of reading unless it’s juicy with suspense, drama, action, humour, romance, etc. but, if it’s Kierkegaard’s style of writing and gives me a perspective of where he’s coming from, I’m there
Beautiful Losers ~Leonard Cohen ~Still getting into it… not so keen so far

Can’t Wait
‘Till the Stills concert!
To see my Sarah and Courtenay

Tempted to Buy:
Walk the Line!!!!

Some favourite Men:
Jon Cusack
Johnny Depp
Jeff Buckley
Soren Kierkegaard

Just Found Out:
That BOTH my driving instructors had crushes on me last summer!! They are both older than 30 and married with a kid…In the words of Seth; “I am Cursed”… this is a little disturbing to me… where are the available men near my age crushing on me? WHERE?! WHERE!? Show yourselves! :P
I know, I just haven’t met the right one yet

What to do with myself. Ho, hum…

In My Spare Time:
I have painted a little, took some photos with my manual pentax (of which I have been buying filters and different film for to experiment with, weeee!!), gone walking, kicked a soccer ball around with some local kids ;)

To not watch so many movies or tv series (and get outside EVEN MORE), to DO ART, to READ more, To finally hang up those pictures in my room, To buy more pairs of shoes so my feet aren’t so messed up, To save money, To eat healthy and not eat out so much, To sign up for classes, To look for an internship…(yes, no…)

PS. Do not buy Sobeys cheese curds, they are not real! They do not squeak!

Sunday, April 16, 2006

I hope everyone is having a great Easter weekend; that you are having peace and rest and a bit of joy as well.

I went back to my hometown. It was good to see my family and my puppies. It was good to rest and to eat yummy food and catch up with loved ones. Going home involves a mixture of emotions. It is always wonderful to see my family and be updated on how they are doing. My home in London is a good loving family, full of talent and laughter, beauty and nurturance. I have pretty cool parents, a smart brother, beautiful sisters, cuddly dogs.
I can get past the fact that for once in my life I am the single one and my siblings have significant others. In fact, I love to see that they are happy loving and being loved. I am glad that they have found that for themselves and are no longer envious of me having it when they don’t. That goes for my best friend as well, and my housemates. I want all of you to be happy.

When I come home, I don’t feel completely alone because there are so many memories that remind me where I came from and that I am loved and have been loved. I have changed a lot, but who I was is still a part of who I am. It’s not that I feel I should be the same, but that I should not forget myself.

At the same time, when I go home, I am reminded that I just can’t live at home any longer. I am not the same person I was and some times I wonder if my family truly knows me or lets me be myself. I know they love me and I do not hold this against them; I understand that their comments sometimes on what is odd about me, or different, or disapproved of is out of concern and because they want the best out of me because they care. That may sound like a contradiction, but it isn’t. I was talking with a friend the other night, and he said that we can intellectually put people into boxes, thinking that we know them, when really we are limiting them and their potential and their creativity. I have to agree, I know I have done that before as well. We always put people in cages, but wouldn’t you rather see them free?

Where is the place for myself? We can never escape other people’s judgment, but we can decide to be who we are unashamedly. That means I can make my own clothes if I want to, I can be an artist, I can listen to the music I like and style my hair the way I want. I don’t feel guilty, because I will express myself confidently when I know that by doing so, I am being true to me.

I do wonder what people think of me. Not because I am preoccupied with it, but because I don’t think I put enough weight into it. I should be concerned to a certain degree how I am coming across, the impression I make on people. Perhaps I am coming across a way I don’t intend to when I make a particular joke, or do a certain thing, or say something out of underlying emotion. I like to think it is the other person’s fault for not making the effort to really get to know me, but then I ask; would I want to put the energy into getting to know someone who came across that way? If I am doing something that does not truly reflect who I am, my values, or the way I see things, perhaps I am not truly being honest or living with integrity. That is why I wonder how I am coming across. Am I being true to me? Are people getting me? Can they see why I would do that? Have they even tried seeing why? Often times I think “no,” and that makes me sad. So how can I help them understand? And how can I make up for some of the ways I have wronged by giving the wrong impression? If someone sees me some way that I would never think of myself as, I have to wonder what made them think that and why? And how can I make it right? It is an ever-going process to see myself and become a better person. Someone better for the greater good, because that is what I really want to be. I would hope that my friends, past, present and future, would not judge me for who they see me to be, or for something I did once, but instead just love me, even if it means accepting that I did something they may not understand. And, who encourage me, not in who they want me to be, but in living with integrity and in becoming who I am trying to become.

And without any excuses for any things I may have done (or the many things that I have not done), I hope that you see that I only just care for you unashamedly.

“When so many are lonely that seem to be lonely, it would be inexcusably selfish to be lonely alone”
Tennessee Williams

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Sorry guys, still working on the html for this baby. Anyone out there able to help me? The bleeding heart looked so darn emo-cool to me, but then I realized it may make me look really dark… and I was feeling “summer”y, so I hope you enjoy the dandies for now :)

I fell asleep very early watching Angels in America. Now I am awake early, 9am, to a rainy morning. This I am happy about. Some people think it’s crazy, but I like rainy days; they are good for puddle jumping, or just making oneself cozy in some lamplight to read and sip warm coffee or tea. :) It is my day off and the whole day is before me :)

This may be the second time my coworkers are possibly setting me up with a guy. We shall see how it goes :) My coworkers are awesomely cute and fun, so they aren’t bad with their tastes. In the words of Marian “Oh Jen, you are so beautiful and lovely, we shall find you a very nice man who treats you right” I think I trust them most of the time :)

Oh, chirping birds out my window :) It’s a beautiful noise.At some point I will be singing too, at an open mic in town. Scott and I and possibly Bonnie are going to put something together. It will be so fun! I look forward to when it can be done. I have had this odd soar throat which seems to come and go. It is bothersome.

It is another day off. I went and returned my very overdue library books which I barely got a chance to read, which is why I kept them so long in hopes of reading them. Ah well :) It is a beautiful day, I took my poor abandoned, yet super-cool manual camera with me and took pics of the campus and a boarded up church downtown by some apartment buildings. I also got a coffee at the funky Second Cup in Westdale; which is the coolest part of town. I want to live there. I popped into the book store and the crazy toy store and bought some things AND, while I was downtown bopping around with my new Shuffle, I added to my music binging…and I am STOKED! Today it was Belle and Sebastian – Push Barman to Open Old Wounds and Jeff Buckley/Gary Lucas – Songs to No One.

I have also purchased recently:

~Some Leonard Cohen (he has a new book coming out at Chapters April 25th-May 2nd, and I am very curious)

~The new Yeah Yeah Yeahs :D

~The new Hawksley Workman

~The latest Cure album

~Echo and the Bunnymen –Songs to learn and Sing

~The Sounds ~Dying to say this to you

~The Stills: Logic will break your heart

~Tegan and Sara – So Jealous (WHICH IS ABSOLUTELY AWESOME!)

Yeah,…. There’s a taste of Jen’s shopaholicism for ya.

The hours of 6 and 7 are the most enchanting hours these days. The sun kisses at some slant of light which leaves me smiling :) As I sat on the bus going up the mountain, sitting with my feet on the back of the seat in front of me, I realized how childish I can be. How jealous I am for my youth, as Dorian Gray was (which I just finished by the way and it is now one of my very favourite books). I am glad to be this age, it is my prime and I can both play with kids and love old people for being old. It’s the best of both worlds, life and all its potential is wrapped up in now and whatever I make myself into. Sometimes that is overwhelming, and other times inspiring to think about. Sometimes I am so lazy and other times I wonder how I did so much. Life is a funny thing, but it is here for us to use and make something of.

I feel I should be doing more. I should do my internship, read my textbooks, start my art show. I feel like I should be helping the children of the world. Sometimes I just itch to play with a kid… a little one to cuddle with, to run around in the sun with and make believe with and skip down the street to the corner store and eat candy with. I would also like a guy to do that with, minus the skipping… unless he really wanted to… lol


Wednesday, April 05, 2006

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