Monday, November 28, 2005

I have to do a short film review
I think I can get away with doing it on Walk the Line. Anyone want to go see it with me? Or have any suggestions on a short film playing very soon.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Tip: call my daughter

Today was the annual trip to St. Jacob’s for Christmas shopping with my mom. My sister Brie and Keri (who is practically my sister) came as well. St. Jacobs had a few stores that I really enjoyed looking around in, but sadly, it is becoming more commercial. I don’t think I saw a single Mennonite, from what I could tell. After our unsuccessful shopping bout we came back to Hamilton and grabbed some grub at Montana’s. These women are so funny when they get together…

We were very nicely welcomed and seated at our table and told that Erica would be our server, so when Ryan showed up as our server we were already in giggles. My mom decided she was going to draw Ryan, our server, on the place setting with the crayons. We all found this hilarious and proceeded to giggle and make comments about it. Ryan noticed and said that he looked forward to seeing how it turned out and perhaps he would take it home with him. He was so intent at seeing the drawing come out that he sat at the booth beside my mom for a little, brought the manager over to see it, and at one point he dropped a bowl of coleslaw. Hehe. My mom started joking about how funny it would be if she happened to introduce me to my future husband in such a way and motioned to leave my phone number beside the picture. “But, what if he thinks it’s from you mom?” hehe

Ryan was pretty attentive, looked at some of the other drawings we did on the table and asked if there were any art students. That would be me… He mentioned that he just graduated from design school and later came back to ask what my favourite artist or art period was. I was a little flustered so, of course, I just said, ‘The Impressionists.’ He said he really liked Art Nouveau…
That’s pretty impressive ;)

So, it’s coming to the end of our meal and Ryan brings us a huge mit-full of suckers :) My sister starts writing my phone number AND e-mail addy on a piece of paper and my mom almost writes on the Visa bill under ‘Tip’: ‘call my daughter.’

What’s with my family flirting for me!!?? LOL

Heretical Humour

On the drive home my mom told me about a slip she made in her sermon at church one morning where she said; “This morning we will be talking about a lifelong process that is discipleshit…ship.”
We record our sermons

We passed by a church sign that said “Anglican, but not stuffy!” The dialogue that ensued;

“Not stuffy!? Like there are 2 different kinds of Anglicans, stuffy ones and not so stuffy ones”
“What do you preach? Stuff…”
“Stuff, like, you know, the shit of the disciples”
“and it’s all technically worshit”
“Oh, shit up!”
“oh! That would be a new way of doing it”
“perhaps that should be the next sermon”
“it floats on water”

You REALLY had to be there, i know, pretty rediculous~ more heretical than Bethia and I summer of 2004?
Oh, how laughter and family are good for you!
Will Ryan call? Hehe I don’t know, the chance of such a zany mother in law could be too much to pass up, lol.

Saturday, November 26, 2005

Currently: lounging in my underwear, no work today! yay!
Reading: The Religious Function of the Psyche - Lionell Corbett
Listening to: The Darkness, random Jeff Buckley songs and Hawksley Workman

What do you think of the concept of Synchronicity?
~ which suggests that psyche and matter belong to the same reality, since events that have a common meaning occur at the same time within the psyche as in the outer material world?

Ethan Hawk mentions this in Waking Life when he uses the example of the crossword which is distributed over the world, and people score low on, only to be re-released a week later and people score higher because the answers have already been put out there to mingle with communal thought and are therefore more conscious the following week than the previous.

How do you explain the phenomenal existence of common thought patterns that are found randomly across the world?
This concept really makes me wonder what kind of statistics we could gather to prove or disprove synchronicity. Is it still simply a theory? What accounts do we have of this in history? In our personal lives?

As a simple example; When I am on top of things in the fashion industry, watching the runways online etc, I can usually pick up on patterns and accurately predict some of the trends that will be coming out the following season or sometime in the future.

Is this an intuition into the 'spirit of fashion', like a ‘weatherperson’ who gathers statistical data relevant to the subject and then comprises his hypothesis based on the evidence found?
Or is there really a collective unconscious alive and moving at the heartbeat of human existence? Or, Is it a natural pattern, as the seasons, simply being observed in motion? Or is it God acting in and through history and people?

Now, breaking this mode of thought and returning to the concept of Synchronicity as evidence for the unity of all things implicate and explicate, I emphasize this notion: Particularly the intricate relationship of the body, mind and soul.

Study after study still brings up the conclusion that the trinity of our being is so intricately linked that we cannot quite justify separating it atomistically. Psychoneuroimmunology has given rise to a repulsion of traditional perspectives of illness that solely depend on physical means of treating human illness and neuroses, resulting in a more empathetic intuition into the human condition: one that recognizes that one’s mental state can affect one’s body and vice versa. One that is even open to recognizing the statistical proof of the benefits of religion on mental health and therefore physical wellbeing, touching on the significance of meaningful spirituality for the wellness of human existence.

Lately, I have been somewhat dumbfounded at the ‘conviction’ many people have for indifference and pure subjectivity. Surely our immediate personal experience is significant, meaningful, purposeful, but, we cannot remain there. We must recognize the larger picture of how most everything is connected in one way or another, even things that seem irreparably linked, are somehow significantly transfigured together. It’s all a part of the human condition. If we don’t see this, we are suspended in illusion, subject to complexes and risk narcissism. We are selfish people. When we walk into a room, we may worry that people are noticing us to much, more than our comfort level, only to rationalize that really: YOU aren’t noticing them so much, so, why would they notice YOU so much? In fact, they are all thinking of themselves, and even when they DO notice you, it is most likely that it is most immediately linked to their own purposes.

How than, can people really connect? How DO they connect? Where is it that the connection happens? At all levels of mind, body and soul?
Some people connect purely intellectually, with no chemistry at all. This is alright as a friendship but certainly not conducive in a partner one would want to share your life with. Certainly chemistry is important there, who doesn’t want amazing physical relations with their mate? And yet, this one strand of connexion cannot come to the fore as the dominant mode in a relationship either, or one is left unsatisfied, searching elsewhere to fulfill other needs. All these areas of connection must be recognized as significant and pursued equally, or else we are constantly looking for someone else to fulfill us. And, I wonder, how do people make it last? How do marriages stay together?

We are constantly stumbling over our subjective perspective of our needs, bipolar in subjecting to investment to our physical desires and searching for something deeper and more fulfilling, often looking in different places for each. Is the world really so fragmented? Are we simply wading through random entity, collecting what we think at the time gives us part of the whole, instead of recognizing that it is all part of the whole? Because anything that we see at the moment in our lives is significant, because the world is not so random as to present us with something that is so alien we could not somehow make connections with it.

And often the things that we run into, that attract us at first and soon are found somewhat off kilter, are the things that create some of the most tension, which makes us suffer a little while, trying to comprehend them, digging to grasp them, and trying to connect. These things which we often want to ignore, want to push aside, want to sprint away from, offer themselves for examination. We struggle to know what to do with them, now that we have picked them up, but one thing we cannot deny is that it causes a deep unsettling within us, chronic or sharp in its gutting. The first step is accepting this, instead of tossing it away or letting it make us bitter, which is hard enough as it is before moving to the next step; where you may have trouble knowing the wisest way to integrate it into your life.

But, integrate it somehow! Exercise your ethics, come to grips with your shadow, with the tension of opposites. Come to grips with the pain of not getting what you want, submit to a higher will, a higher purpose and way, and though it involves suffering and perhaps sacrifice, some of the most nutritious and scrumptious fruit is manifold to be borne out of this. Some of the most rewarding experiences come from this and one learns and grows and stretches, and life becomes that much more rich.

And please don’t be intimidated by my blathering. Comment, comment away. I want to know what you think.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Perfectionism at Work

Today at work I had so much energy! God has blessed me with a happy heart despite the amount of stress there is right now... because, ultimately, life is good! :)

Work was pretty slow, and I was pretty active cleaning and tidying and being a super fab salesperson ;D and when I work my butt off, (because otherwise I get bored, and why be bored when there is much to be done? and people to talk to?) I think a lot!

I was thinking how I tend to not be a very good salesperson. This is a profession I never wanted to have, I hate pushing people to buy anything. I recognize how stressful money is. In fact, it is the highest cause of stress amoung married couples and added stress for University students! And, I for one, I have a terrible time controlling my spending habits. (I ALWAYS see things that I like and praise them, all the time! I am a walking advertisement for the world! lol I'm always seeing the potential in all sorts of things. AND, when it comes to clothes, putting together an outfit is like an artform for me; that is what fashion is! This is why I work in a clothing store and take so much advantage of my discount :P ...I will make rent this month... )

Truly though, when I do sell well, it is because I have talked with the customer and made them feel welcome and helped them with my personal suggestions and opinions and my knowledge of the product. This is what I can give them, my genuine self to serve them and to offer advice. Other than this, I am not very good at trying to push accessories just so we can make our quota or push the person to keep looking when they are not satisfied with what they tried on.

I think this is mostly because I trust that they can make their own decisions for themselves and would feel horrible if they went home and realized that I had forced them to spend too much and they would not feel confident about their purchase then. I like to think of money as a tool we need to be wise about wielding, instead of something that we are victim to.

And with an existential bent, I say: you have the choice to choose!

I was also thinking about how good my job is for me. Not only does it give me confidence that I am making my own money and being responsible, it makes me feel a little more stable in that regard, it increases my social skills via teamwork and customer service, and it decreases the chance that I would feel lonely (which is common amoung senior university students) because I see great coworkers every other day. But, what has really stood out to me recently is the dress code and values that are enforced at my job. Though it seems somewhat perfectionistic to constantly be portraying the Jacob image, I am glad and proud to do so. Their clothing is lovely, feminine, attractive, mostly modest (but it depends on how you wear it and who you are), beautiful, with an edge that is so stylin! :) They encourage being properly groomed, and as a university student this can sometimes be hard, because some days you want to just go to school in your PJs, and hey, that is cool, but you feel much more confident when you are dressed and ready to go, you know what I mean? Most importantly, Jacob encourages some great values: particularly passion and integrity. These things are so important to me in my daily life already, working here has only enforced it and lately I have been so glad to be reminded of it, because the stress and business of life can become overbearing and sometimes we need to find it within ourselves how to keep going when we are tired and confused and on low.

I want to encourage you to choose to live with passionate integrity.

catch ya!

Saturday, November 19, 2005

Listening (somewhat obsessedly) to: Hawksley Workman! He’s quite emotive… it’s hot…
Just Fondue It!!

Bon, Hannelle and I threw our lovely fondue party in our cute apartment :) It was a blast! Here is just a taste of some of the fun to be had :) I'm glad that everyone just had a great time! That is where it's at :)
I was also glad that none of our neighbours complained about noise. In fact, the people in the apartment building across from ours seemed to enjoy that we were having a party and decided to stir it up a bit by running around in their underwear... lol crazy neighbours... apartment living is quite the experience...

The fondue was scrumptious, the people; exceptional and wonderful, the music; absolutely spanking (I pat myself for that one, lol)
another party in the works... we shall see ;)
Cheers! :D
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and this last picture is of many Redeemerites watching an old Redeemer promotion video from the early 80s. Those were the times, let me tell ya. Great shot of young Payton in the day. Good times, good times I tell ya ;) Gotta love it. (STU, you rock!)
Thank for comin' out!
more pics and posts about our Fondue party on Sarah's LJ & Bonnie's LJ

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

I splurged and mixed ALL my cereals together this morning; All Bran, Honey Nut Cheerios, Shreddies and Count Chocula.


Monday, November 07, 2005

A fellow Redeemerite muses over a place I would love to go to one day.
THE RULES: List five songs that you are currently loving (ONLY 5!!! I will list songs that I have not already mentioned in previous posts)
Well, I guess....

1.2wicky ~ Hooverphonic
2.Rock N Roll ~ The Sounds
3.Magazine ~ Pedro the Lion
4.The Killing Moon & Lips Like Sugar ~ Echo and the Bunnymen
5.The Organ & Block Party (ok that's cheating, but whatever :P)

Friday, November 04, 2005

Listening to: Jeff Buckley’s glorious Grace album

Indian Summer
(which is also the name of an awesome song by Pedro the Lion)

It’s FREAKIN’ GORGEOUS outside!!!! So, freakin’ get outside! :D
After procrastinating on the internet for awhile, I will take my physiological psychology outside and sunbath. Then, I will take a break by going for a run through the country :)

Currently viewing some pretty amazing art online at Here is another excellent site for such viewing:
There is some pretty amazing talent out there! Makes me wonder how artistic I really am… ? I should go do something creative…
I have been asked to sketch during the service on Sunday. If I was more confident about my artistic abilities this would not be a problem.
Give me a camera and I will be creative during the service, if it doesn’t distract people from the sermon. Haha!

The thing about really good art;
It is based on the artist’s subjective experience and manifested physically in such a design that would stand out to many people (as universally as possible). It must appeal to the subjective as well as objective realities, and it must be designed with visual skill. Good art is hard to make; Hard to pull off. No wonder artists are considered perfectionists; each mark is painstakingly part of the overall design. No wonder we seem crazy, when we can spend hours upon hours immersed in pigment and shape and line and still come out unsatisfied. The aesthetic life is trying… it is not all there is! Art must have some sort of meaning. In Art Media the other day we were talking about how, as Christians, we must make art, not solely for the sake of it, but with personal meaning while being considerate about how it affects others.

What does this mean for mere decoration? Is decoration in vain? Isn’t decoration simply aesthetic, without much purpose but pleasure? With the motivations such as the European churches in the gothic/renaissance and King Louis the 14ths Palace de Versailles, perhaps it was sinful to be so elaborate with the amount of gilded expenditure created when it was to the detriment of the quality of living for the majority of the local community. These pieces are glorified in the world of art; they are considered masterful creations of excellence BUT: What are the statements that are being made with this kind of presentation? Is it righteous?
When are we taking our pleasure for aestheticism too far? Is it solely a matter of frivolity or does taste matter?

This whole conception causes a lot of tension in the artist… One starts to wonder, is all subjective? How do we know what is appropriate? Why is it appropriate or not appropriate?

Thus the struggle of the artist: One must know what they believe so that they can portray it to the world. Then, her art has a message, even if it SEEMS like it is just art for art’s sake. It is not sinful to portray what someone truly believes. It can be considered sinful (?) when one portrays something solely for sensitization without being conscious as to why. This can be particularly stressful and emotional for an artist; Confronting images of which they don’t know where they came from. An artist cannot shrink from them, but they cannot just subvert them by submitting them to the world without recognizing their meaning either, because of how it may affect others. This is a power struggle for the artist, because it feels rewarding to see reactions from the world to their art without recognizing consequences. One feels as a mischievous child who giggles over stealing the cookie from the cookie jar. We do this plenty… break convention for what we immediately desire.
But, the artist has a responsibility. It is hard to judge, sometimes, when a person’s art has been composed mindfully and if it has been done affectively. It is hard to know where the line must be drawn, or if there should even be one.

The world can choose how successful their art is, but if the artist knows the meaning, at least the art has purpose to the creator.

What do you think?

With that said, I believe I will go enjoy God’s creation :) Yesterday He was rustling the yellow/orange trees and they shimmered and danced like the world was ablaze around me, and He stirred up leaves to flutter and spin through the air and I smiled with the sunlight on my eyelashes. I saw old people out walking, and hoped that the winter will not be too harsh for us all, but that we all keep hold of the energy we have when we are out in the fresh air on such gorgeous sunny days.