Tuesday, December 27, 2005
Likin': The Rosebuds
What are Santa's favourite gardening tools?... Ho(e), Ho(e) and Ho(e), ok?... gardening tools! gardening tools!
(saw the new Muppet Christmas movie. LOL. Gotta love it, but the Muppet Christmas Carol is still classic)
I can't tell you how great my short time with my family was. I miss them so! They make me so proud :)
Brie sang BEAUTIFULLY at church on Christmas Eve! Better than ever! :) Katey is so beautiful inside and out and she is starting out on her own. It makes me miss her so! I want her for myself. My big bro will always be my big bro
My mom was so eagre to make yum, and even though she toiled and spoiled, I loved her for her efforts. :) My mom is great :) and my dad, he is so funny and adorable. He came in doing a fullout Will Farrell impersonation at one point, completely unconscious of it. That is just how funny he can be sometimes. I miss him.
My dogs were so happy to have me around and we cuddled plenty :) I wish I had a puppy to cuddle here in my apartment. Ah well...
Things are changing, we are all going our seperate ways, it is so good to have that time together.
What I got for Christmas:
*CDS!!! of course:
~Jeff Buckley~Mystery White Boy
~Feist~ Let it Die
~Death Cab for Cutie~Plans
~Pedro the Lion~Control
*Movies! of course :
~I Heart Huckabees~~ FINALLY!! WOOT!
~To Catch a Theif~which is an Alfred Hitchock starring Grace Kelly and Cary Grant ;)
*A heater for my chilly room!
*Plenty of luxurious bath produits! Oh la la!!!
*A watch. Yay, now I don't have to be too worried about being late for things! well, perhaps... :)
*A guitar chords book! Yay, perhaps I will start writing my own music and join the Broken Social Scene, or travel with Sufjan Stevens,... haha dreaming...
*$20 to Cineplex Odeon. ... hmm what to see! Who wants to go see a movie? :)
*$25 to Starbucks. Oh baby, this is heaven~ :)
*$20 to Tim Hortons... anyone up for a coffee?
*books :) Yay, now that I have time to read, sort of! :)
*Flavoured Coffees :) and REAL green tea :) I am loved :)
*Red Silk PJs, woo woo!
*Subscription to Psychology Today, I think Philosophy Now is also an excellent magazine.
Good times, good times :)
Saturday, December 24, 2005
|You scored as Sociology. You should be a Sociology major!|
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Thursday, December 22, 2005
I LOVE Christmas time, but this year I have not really felt it much…
I have been working and finishing up my semester. I have been stressed. I have seen my work change to winter-mode, I have seen Starbucks turn all Christmasy. I had fun decorating our cute apartment with my adorable housemates along to some Christmas Ella, and I love looking outside our windows to see big fat snowflakes falling over the rooftops, I have not been able to do the usual things that this time usually entails; Baking sugar cookies and decorating them with my sisters, decorating the Christmas tree, watching the Muppet Christmas Carol with my mom and Little Women with my sisters, gorging on clemantines, peicing big puzzles together while watching El Dorado, or chewing on chocolate eclair candies while watching all the 007 movies with my family. Usually there are some people going tobogganing, or gift exchanging. Usually I end up in snowball fights with friends, hearing good old Christmas music, and sitting by the fire with a book I have been anticipating to read over the holidays.
I have not had the time or money for buying Christmas gifts, and it has always been such a joy for me to do that. I have felt so sad to feel that I don’t have much of anything to give to people this year, people who have done so much for me and who are so dear. It also makes me wonder where my creativity and thoughtfulness have gone, caught up in work and school; I have barely much left for other people. There are people I miss, who I have done so much better at keeping in touch with than the past year. And, I feel like there are people in my life who may not even have much of a Christmas this year, and I would just love to share Christmas with them. I want to just take them home and sit with them by the fire with big cups full of yum and go for walks in the snowflakes and just share with them a warm home of people who welcome them, a home of people laughing and giving of themselves to each other.
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Jealous Kind ~ Who We Are Instead
Lesser Things ~ Who We Are Instead
The Valley Song ~ Furthermore
Fade to Grey ~ Much Afraid
Let Us Love and Sing and Wonder ~ Redemption Songs
Yes, grocery shopping, though it consumes my earnings, is a pleasure...
There is something to be said for the simple pleasures of life:
~thank you nestle for selling your ice cream just as cheap as your chocolate bars for the holiday season
~I found those ginger cookies that I love to nibble on with my tea
~Pomegranite season is delicious!
~Christmas oranges are my addiction
~found the one and only box of irish breakfast tea probably existing within a 3 mile radius
~treated myself to my favourite Ritter Sport chocolate bar, the one with the cookie in the middle
~cereal! what can I say! :)
~I lament that No Frills does not have rainbow cake OR rainbow icing...
~I DO buy healthy food too! :)
Saturday, December 10, 2005
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
Constantly: Carried away by music
Playing it safe
Was talking with a fellow last night (hey you ;)…) about being more comfortable about the opportunity to buy, or about having bought.
We differ on this position, which of course, is allowed. But, it really made me think and apply it to my life. It seems an issue I’m turning over in my mind and applying in different ways.
I can understand being more attuned to wanting to buy, having the option there if I so choose to do so. It certainly gives you the upper hand but, aside from that, in many situations this ‘waiting-time’ is wisest. At some points in one’s life, this tension needs to be laid to simmer in waiting and anticipation. This is good. Time does wonders for people, and I think God works through time. Sometimes we just need time, to mourn, to settle, to figure ourselves out, to move on, to move past, to gather strength and to start anew. This I know is necessary and important in life. In fact, it cannot really be any other way.
But, there are times when this is not satisfactory any longer. I understand the hesitation to invest in something that may not be worthwhile, or may fall lower than expectation, or may end up disappointing you. But, how will you ever know unless you try? How can you engage the depth and breadth of life if you are always living on what could be, on the shallow edge of a whole spectrum of potential? Of course, you want to tread carefully; test the quality of the product, spend some time with it first…
For me, I am a hopeless shopaholic at times. I recognize this is not healthy, accumulating stuff…But, when it is a quality purchase, I am elated! I can’t wait to go home and see what outfits I can put together with this one piece of clothing, or the amount of pleasure I will get from hearing this CD, or watching this movie whenever I like! Often, for me, it is more than one, but I admire those thoughtful and controlled buyers who buy that one quality article they know they will enjoy so much and take care of it… I think I am more like that in relationships…
I am also, though, more likely to move on to find something else I like if things just don’t seem worth buying. Let me tell you, in relationships, it’s hard to find someone you can really connect with in that special way: body, mind, heart and soul. Sometimes I think I am too picky and stick too strong to my ideals. There are so many great people out there and yet, I still have trouble being sure. Perhaps they need to convince me.
But (back to objectivity), at the same time, there are plenty out there, why worry about one? UNLESS it is a real quality one, in which case I will be UNSETTLED about it, not happy to be in anticipation, in fact, I will be afraid someone else will snatch it up before I can return to claim it for myself. And yes, this is selfish to want something this much, but if it has established itself as something worthwhile to me (which often takes time), that is special and I have a lot of passion in me.... I have lists and lists of things I anticipate owning. But it is not the anticipation that holds me to them.
I know guys would like to think that anticipation holds us to them. They must think “Keep them on the line, don’t tell them your true intentions…” In fact, I think this is cruel and weak. Just be real, we COULD understand and it would be considerate and even honouring of you to just tell us the truth of how you feel and where you are at. Unfortunately, many men just don’t know how to do this and ignore you instead. Often, they EVENTUALLY explain why, if it comes up, sometimes it just takes time, which is alright. But ultimately ladies, if he isn’t pursuing, he probably isn’t interested enough, so forget about him for awhile and just be happy being you! Anyways… I digress…
It is more the potential of owning something that does it for me, as opposed to the tension of the possible owning of something. For, how could I have ever known Jeff Buckley if I let his album sit on the shelf at Sunrise? (He was actually a gift, but that is besides the point) No, instead I see a different side of him each song that I hear and I explore and see different things and yet familiar things, the more I hear of him. The more I hear, the more he makes love to me and I come to appreciate his genius over and over. I don’t cease in wanting to know him more and hear him more. In fact, I am constant in my wanting of him. This is far deeper and more meaningful. What if I never came to know Jeff Buckley’s music? He never would have made this impact on my life! This would certainly be something worthy of tragic lamentation (and yet this still would be inspired by Buckley…). At my funeral, Buckley lovers would be crying “if only she had heard one Jeff Buckley song, it would have changed her life!” Ok, enough of the cheese ;)
For, when you own it, you are free to do as you will with it, free to be completely open to fulfilling your hopes and dreams with it, to let down all your guards and inhibitions, to be vulnerable and naked before it. Free to let it engage you and affect you in wondrous ways and free to enjoy it to its fullness and have fun with the variety of experiences that are potential to be. You are free to explore the depth and width of it and interact with it without any boundaries in the way. You are free to grow and learn as life changes together and collect this foundation of intimate connections behind you, only enhancing the following moments together. This is far more fulfilling and exciting to me than the shallow stimulations that initial anticipation induces. There is anticipation within relationship as well! This is something that I look forward to in marriage one day. Is this not the sacredness of marriage I describe? And why have we started to settle for less so much more often? When we lose sight of this kind of goal, we are just creating heartache wherever we go… and causing others to do the same.
How can anyone connect, or dare to connect with another, without realizing this? And how can one live so alone?
There is something to be said for waiting for the thing worthy of such a purchase, and then establishing this kind of devotion to it. In this day and age, it is something to be jealous of, and something to be revered… and definitely something everyone is worthy of having, if they only stood for it’s truth, recognizing it’s value and perhaps in sacrificing a little, they can claim it for themselves.
My advice to you:
Look at those puffy snowflakes swirling all magical outside your window :)
Now, Stop whatever you are doing right noW!!!!!!!
GO run outside and dance in them, just for a little while :)
Then come in and put a pot of milk on the stove and make hot chocolate to sip while snug in a blanket :)
It's good for your soul and it only takes a moment :) Just do it.
Monday, December 05, 2005
I just made that up...
Wanted to share with you my latest listening addiction: yes, if you have heard me rave in the past couple months, it has been over a particular instrument that has been gaining underground indie attention; It is the infamous BANJO making jovial and retro-liscious cool audio-candy :)
My latest listening flava: (please do check these out)
Tegan and Sara ~ Living Room
Piano ~t hatch says 'round ev'ry corner
Summer at Shatter Creek ~ Your Ever Changing Moods (no banjo, but still hot)
Elliott Brood ~ Edge of Town
Elliott Brood ~ Cadillac Dust
Sufjan Stevens ~The Avalanche
Sufjan Stevens ~for the widows in paradise...
Here is an excellent list of Christmas music of which I punked the link from Seth (you just have superb taste man!)
If you are into cool t-shirt designs, like me...check out:
and of course: http://www.cafepress.com/bloodmelon
Sunday, December 04, 2005
Saturday, December 03, 2005
Ok, I was tagged by Sarah to do this Google search thing... A mighty thanks to her for making me procrastinate and bring you this rediculous blog.
Well here goes:
The assignment is to find and post an image from the first Google Image page for each of the following 7 queries:
1) The name of the town where you were born:
2) The name of the town where you live now: HAHA!!!
These are pretty freaking hilarious in thier Randomness...
my apartment really does not look like that...
and I don't quite look like that in my apartment... or have men like those men in my apartment ...
3) Your name:
Wow, there are many talented Jens out there :)
4) Your grandmother's name:
5) Your favourite food: yes puppies, mmmm... This puppy is called coconut :)
6) Your favourite drink:
7) Your favourite smell:
And I tag... Bonnie, Dani, Scott
currently: downloading some songs recommended by Seth :)
Words of the Day:
Vexatious, nettlesome, pestiferous
This describes all my current external stressors... and really, i just like the words... ;)
This makes me feel totally bugged guys, I am just hacked!! I'm sooo unglued... yet, juiced up at the same time...
anxious is such a great explanative word...
Somewhat: perturbed and perplexed,
a bit apathetic towards schoolwork... I'm overwrought!
don't you love the dictionary...
totally procrastinating... again... :P
I need to go dancing... by body is aching for it... pestiferously
Off to work...
Friday, December 02, 2005
looking forward to: spending some time with the girls, playing drinking games we will be making up for The Office :) hehe
Paper season and exam time.... I feel like Leonardo DiCaprio's character in The Aviator when he locks himself in his theatre... :P Except, I look a lot hotter in my underwear and I am not nearly as disgusting... just... feel like a zombie...
I wish I could just watch Love Actually and The Family Man with the Christmas lights on and eat snowballs... and cuddle with someone...
Monday, November 28, 2005
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Today was the annual trip to St. Jacob’s for Christmas shopping with my mom. My sister Brie and Keri (who is practically my sister) came as well. St. Jacobs had a few stores that I really enjoyed looking around in, but sadly, it is becoming more commercial. I don’t think I saw a single Mennonite, from what I could tell. After our unsuccessful shopping bout we came back to Hamilton and grabbed some grub at Montana’s. These women are so funny when they get together…
We were very nicely welcomed and seated at our table and told that Erica would be our server, so when Ryan showed up as our server we were already in giggles. My mom decided she was going to draw Ryan, our server, on the place setting with the crayons. We all found this hilarious and proceeded to giggle and make comments about it. Ryan noticed and said that he looked forward to seeing how it turned out and perhaps he would take it home with him. He was so intent at seeing the drawing come out that he sat at the booth beside my mom for a little, brought the manager over to see it, and at one point he dropped a bowl of coleslaw. Hehe. My mom started joking about how funny it would be if she happened to introduce me to my future husband in such a way and motioned to leave my phone number beside the picture. “But, what if he thinks it’s from you mom?” hehe
Ryan was pretty attentive, looked at some of the other drawings we did on the table and asked if there were any art students. That would be me… He mentioned that he just graduated from design school and later came back to ask what my favourite artist or art period was. I was a little flustered so, of course, I just said, ‘The Impressionists.’ He said he really liked Art Nouveau…
That’s pretty impressive ;)
So, it’s coming to the end of our meal and Ryan brings us a huge mit-full of suckers :) My sister starts writing my phone number AND e-mail addy on a piece of paper and my mom almost writes on the Visa bill under ‘Tip’: ‘call my daughter.’
What’s with my family flirting for me!!?? LOL
On the drive home my mom told me about a slip she made in her sermon at church one morning where she said; “This morning we will be talking about a lifelong process that is discipleshit…ship.”
We record our sermons
We passed by a church sign that said “Anglican, but not stuffy!” The dialogue that ensued;
“Not stuffy!? Like there are 2 different kinds of Anglicans, stuffy ones and not so stuffy ones”
“What do you preach? Stuff…”
“Stuff, like, you know, the shit of the disciples”
“and it’s all technically worshit”
“Oh, shit up!”
“oh! That would be a new way of doing it”
“perhaps that should be the next sermon”
“it floats on water”
You REALLY had to be there, i know, pretty rediculous~ more heretical than Bethia and I summer of 2004?
Oh, how laughter and family are good for you!
Will Ryan call? Hehe I don’t know, the chance of such a zany mother in law could be too much to pass up, lol.
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Reading: The Religious Function of the Psyche - Lionell Corbett
Listening to: The Darkness, random Jeff Buckley songs and Hawksley Workman
What do you think of the concept of Synchronicity?
~ which suggests that psyche and matter belong to the same reality, since events that have a common meaning occur at the same time within the psyche as in the outer material world?
Ethan Hawk mentions this in Waking Life when he uses the example of the crossword which is distributed over the world, and people score low on, only to be re-released a week later and people score higher because the answers have already been put out there to mingle with communal thought and are therefore more conscious the following week than the previous.
How do you explain the phenomenal existence of common thought patterns that are found randomly across the world?
This concept really makes me wonder what kind of statistics we could gather to prove or disprove synchronicity. Is it still simply a theory? What accounts do we have of this in history? In our personal lives?
As a simple example; When I am on top of things in the fashion industry, watching the runways online etc, I can usually pick up on patterns and accurately predict some of the trends that will be coming out the following season or sometime in the future.
Is this an intuition into the 'spirit of fashion', like a ‘weatherperson’ who gathers statistical data relevant to the subject and then comprises his hypothesis based on the evidence found?
Or is there really a collective unconscious alive and moving at the heartbeat of human existence? Or, Is it a natural pattern, as the seasons, simply being observed in motion? Or is it God acting in and through history and people?
Now, breaking this mode of thought and returning to the concept of Synchronicity as evidence for the unity of all things implicate and explicate, I emphasize this notion: Particularly the intricate relationship of the body, mind and soul.
Study after study still brings up the conclusion that the trinity of our being is so intricately linked that we cannot quite justify separating it atomistically. Psychoneuroimmunology has given rise to a repulsion of traditional perspectives of illness that solely depend on physical means of treating human illness and neuroses, resulting in a more empathetic intuition into the human condition: one that recognizes that one’s mental state can affect one’s body and vice versa. One that is even open to recognizing the statistical proof of the benefits of religion on mental health and therefore physical wellbeing, touching on the significance of meaningful spirituality for the wellness of human existence.
Lately, I have been somewhat dumbfounded at the ‘conviction’ many people have for indifference and pure subjectivity. Surely our immediate personal experience is significant, meaningful, purposeful, but, we cannot remain there. We must recognize the larger picture of how most everything is connected in one way or another, even things that seem irreparably linked, are somehow significantly transfigured together. It’s all a part of the human condition. If we don’t see this, we are suspended in illusion, subject to complexes and risk narcissism. We are selfish people. When we walk into a room, we may worry that people are noticing us to much, more than our comfort level, only to rationalize that really: YOU aren’t noticing them so much, so, why would they notice YOU so much? In fact, they are all thinking of themselves, and even when they DO notice you, it is most likely that it is most immediately linked to their own purposes.
How than, can people really connect? How DO they connect? Where is it that the connection happens? At all levels of mind, body and soul?
Some people connect purely intellectually, with no chemistry at all. This is alright as a friendship but certainly not conducive in a partner one would want to share your life with. Certainly chemistry is important there, who doesn’t want amazing physical relations with their mate? And yet, this one strand of connexion cannot come to the fore as the dominant mode in a relationship either, or one is left unsatisfied, searching elsewhere to fulfill other needs. All these areas of connection must be recognized as significant and pursued equally, or else we are constantly looking for someone else to fulfill us. And, I wonder, how do people make it last? How do marriages stay together?
We are constantly stumbling over our subjective perspective of our needs, bipolar in subjecting to investment to our physical desires and searching for something deeper and more fulfilling, often looking in different places for each. Is the world really so fragmented? Are we simply wading through random entity, collecting what we think at the time gives us part of the whole, instead of recognizing that it is all part of the whole? Because anything that we see at the moment in our lives is significant, because the world is not so random as to present us with something that is so alien we could not somehow make connections with it.
And often the things that we run into, that attract us at first and soon are found somewhat off kilter, are the things that create some of the most tension, which makes us suffer a little while, trying to comprehend them, digging to grasp them, and trying to connect. These things which we often want to ignore, want to push aside, want to sprint away from, offer themselves for examination. We struggle to know what to do with them, now that we have picked them up, but one thing we cannot deny is that it causes a deep unsettling within us, chronic or sharp in its gutting. The first step is accepting this, instead of tossing it away or letting it make us bitter, which is hard enough as it is before moving to the next step; where you may have trouble knowing the wisest way to integrate it into your life.
But, integrate it somehow! Exercise your ethics, come to grips with your shadow, with the tension of opposites. Come to grips with the pain of not getting what you want, submit to a higher will, a higher purpose and way, and though it involves suffering and perhaps sacrifice, some of the most nutritious and scrumptious fruit is manifold to be borne out of this. Some of the most rewarding experiences come from this and one learns and grows and stretches, and life becomes that much more rich.And please don’t be intimidated by my blathering. Comment, comment away. I want to know what you think.
Monday, November 21, 2005
Today at work I had so much energy! God has blessed me with a happy heart despite the amount of stress there is right now... because, ultimately, life is good! :)
Work was pretty slow, and I was pretty active cleaning and tidying and being a super fab salesperson ;D and when I work my butt off, (because otherwise I get bored, and why be bored when there is much to be done? and people to talk to?) I think a lot!
I was thinking how I tend to not be a very good salesperson. This is a profession I never wanted to have, I hate pushing people to buy anything. I recognize how stressful money is. In fact, it is the highest cause of stress amoung married couples and added stress for University students! And, I for one, I have a terrible time controlling my spending habits. (I ALWAYS see things that I like and praise them, all the time! I am a walking advertisement for the world! lol I'm always seeing the potential in all sorts of things. AND, when it comes to clothes, putting together an outfit is like an artform for me; that is what fashion is! This is why I work in a clothing store and take so much advantage of my discount :P ...I will make rent this month... )
Truly though, when I do sell well, it is because I have talked with the customer and made them feel welcome and helped them with my personal suggestions and opinions and my knowledge of the product. This is what I can give them, my genuine self to serve them and to offer advice. Other than this, I am not very good at trying to push accessories just so we can make our quota or push the person to keep looking when they are not satisfied with what they tried on.
I think this is mostly because I trust that they can make their own decisions for themselves and would feel horrible if they went home and realized that I had forced them to spend too much and they would not feel confident about their purchase then. I like to think of money as a tool we need to be wise about wielding, instead of something that we are victim to.
And with an existential bent, I say: you have the choice to choose!
I was also thinking about how good my job is for me. Not only does it give me confidence that I am making my own money and being responsible, it makes me feel a little more stable in that regard, it increases my social skills via teamwork and customer service, and it decreases the chance that I would feel lonely (which is common amoung senior university students) because I see great coworkers every other day. But, what has really stood out to me recently is the dress code and values that are enforced at my job. Though it seems somewhat perfectionistic to constantly be portraying the Jacob image, I am glad and proud to do so. Their clothing is lovely, feminine, attractive, mostly modest (but it depends on how you wear it and who you are), beautiful, with an edge that is so stylin! :) They encourage being properly groomed, and as a university student this can sometimes be hard, because some days you want to just go to school in your PJs, and hey, that is cool, but you feel much more confident when you are dressed and ready to go, you know what I mean? Most importantly, Jacob encourages some great values: particularly passion and integrity. These things are so important to me in my daily life already, working here has only enforced it and lately I have been so glad to be reminded of it, because the stress and business of life can become overbearing and sometimes we need to find it within ourselves how to keep going when we are tired and confused and on low.
I want to encourage you to choose to live with passionate integrity.
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Just Fondue It!!
Bon, Hannelle and I threw our lovely fondue party in our cute apartment :) It was a blast! Here is just a taste of some of the fun to be had :) I'm glad that everyone just had a great time! That is where it's at :)
I was also glad that none of our neighbours complained about noise. In fact, the people in the apartment building across from ours seemed to enjoy that we were having a party and decided to stir it up a bit by running around in their underwear... lol crazy neighbours... apartment living is quite the experience...
The fondue was scrumptious, the people; exceptional and wonderful, the music; absolutely spanking (I pat myself for that one, lol)
another party in the works... we shall see ;)
and this last picture is of many Redeemerites watching an old Redeemer promotion video from the early 80s. Those were the times, let me tell ya. Great shot of young Payton in the day. Good times, good times I tell ya ;) Gotta love it. (STU, you rock!)
Thank for comin' out!
more pics and posts about our Fondue party on Sarah's LJ & Bonnie's LJ
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Monday, November 07, 2005
Well, I guess....
1.2wicky ~ Hooverphonic
2.Rock N Roll ~ The Sounds
3.Magazine ~ Pedro the Lion
4.The Killing Moon & Lips Like Sugar ~ Echo and the Bunnymen
5.The Organ & Block Party (ok that's cheating, but whatever :P)
Friday, November 04, 2005
(which is also the name of an awesome song by Pedro the Lion)
It’s FREAKIN’ GORGEOUS outside!!!! So, freakin’ get outside! :D
After procrastinating on the internet for awhile, I will take my physiological psychology outside and sunbath. Then, I will take a break by going for a run through the country :)
Currently viewing some pretty amazing art online at http://browse.deviantart.com/ Here is another excellent site for such viewing: http://www.sxc.hu/
There is some pretty amazing talent out there! Makes me wonder how artistic I really am… ? I should go do something creative…
I have been asked to sketch during the service on Sunday. If I was more confident about my artistic abilities this would not be a problem.
Give me a camera and I will be creative during the service, if it doesn’t distract people from the sermon. Haha!
The thing about really good art;
It is based on the artist’s subjective experience and manifested physically in such a design that would stand out to many people (as universally as possible). It must appeal to the subjective as well as objective realities, and it must be designed with visual skill. Good art is hard to make; Hard to pull off. No wonder artists are considered perfectionists; each mark is painstakingly part of the overall design. No wonder we seem crazy, when we can spend hours upon hours immersed in pigment and shape and line and still come out unsatisfied. The aesthetic life is trying… it is not all there is! Art must have some sort of meaning. In Art Media the other day we were talking about how, as Christians, we must make art, not solely for the sake of it, but with personal meaning while being considerate about how it affects others.
What does this mean for mere decoration? Is decoration in vain? Isn’t decoration simply aesthetic, without much purpose but pleasure? With the motivations such as the European churches in the gothic/renaissance and King Louis the 14ths Palace de Versailles, perhaps it was sinful to be so elaborate with the amount of gilded expenditure created when it was to the detriment of the quality of living for the majority of the local community. These pieces are glorified in the world of art; they are considered masterful creations of excellence BUT: What are the statements that are being made with this kind of presentation? Is it righteous?
When are we taking our pleasure for aestheticism too far? Is it solely a matter of frivolity or does taste matter?
This whole conception causes a lot of tension in the artist… One starts to wonder, is all subjective? How do we know what is appropriate? Why is it appropriate or not appropriate?
Thus the struggle of the artist: One must know what they believe so that they can portray it to the world. Then, her art has a message, even if it SEEMS like it is just art for art’s sake. It is not sinful to portray what someone truly believes. It can be considered sinful (?) when one portrays something solely for sensitization without being conscious as to why. This can be particularly stressful and emotional for an artist; Confronting images of which they don’t know where they came from. An artist cannot shrink from them, but they cannot just subvert them by submitting them to the world without recognizing their meaning either, because of how it may affect others. This is a power struggle for the artist, because it feels rewarding to see reactions from the world to their art without recognizing consequences. One feels as a mischievous child who giggles over stealing the cookie from the cookie jar. We do this plenty… break convention for what we immediately desire.
But, the artist has a responsibility. It is hard to judge, sometimes, when a person’s art has been composed mindfully and if it has been done affectively. It is hard to know where the line must be drawn, or if there should even be one.
The world can choose how successful their art is, but if the artist knows the meaning, at least the art has purpose to the creator.
What do you think?
With that said, I believe I will go enjoy God’s creation :) Yesterday He was rustling the yellow/orange trees and they shimmered and danced like the world was ablaze around me, and He stirred up leaves to flutter and spin through the air and I smiled with the sunlight on my eyelashes. I saw old people out walking, and hoped that the winter will not be too harsh for us all, but that we all keep hold of the energy we have when we are out in the fresh air on such gorgeous sunny days.
Monday, October 31, 2005
It was a great birthday weekend :)
Saturday night was a 'killer' party! (hehe... bad pun....)
Sunday I went to Toronto and visited with my first year roomy, Rachel (the Darling with the curls), and my other previous dormies, Sarah (the Gorgeous RedHead in the back right) and Courtenay (The bombshell to the back left), who also sang with her prog. metal band that night. I'm so glad I got to see them! SO TALENTED! They are called Apophenia, and they are hot and talented.
Thursday, October 27, 2005
So… I suppose this is more raunchy talk about boys and I promise my next posts won’t be. Help me out here …
I was asked out by some random guy on his bike. Hannelle and I had done our Halloween costume shopping at Value Village and were transferring busses when this cute guy on his bike rode by, saying that I was pretty/hot as he biked passed,.
I wasn’t sure I heard correctly so I asked Hannelle, “Did that guy just say I was hot!?” I looked back and he waved at me, lol. He turned around and came back and said:
“I thought you were pretty so, I thought I would tell you so, and I was also thinking, perhaps we could go out sometime.”
Obviously a charmer…
Here is where I stuttered and, though certainly flattered, I didn’t know what to do!! Like a deer in headlights… Smooth Jen, smoooooth
It finally dawned on me… Darn it Jen! When guys randomly flirt with you, they want your phone #!!! I never even thought of giving out my phone number before… I’m seriously not daft, most of the time.
As my bus was coming round the corner and I stood there dumbfounded and not sure if this was an ethical thing to do, hand out my # to some random hot guy who thinks I’m attractive. What does this say about him? Does he do this often? Kinda seemed like it, but how do I really know, I don’t know him at all, except that he is cute (at least there is the potential for chemistry…but that certainly isn’t everything).
He didn’t get my number.
Probably because I think too much, and perhaps this is not the kind of girl he is into ;)
And then those dreaded words, which I recognize now, because they’re common male lingo for getting away when they have been ‘turned down’, but still hopeful that I won’t let them get away: “Well, may be I will see you around” Which obviously, they won’t, unless I freakin give them my number…
Then he asked me my name, and he must be thinking, “Sure she has to have one of the most common names in the book…” He won’t find me, unless he really searches for me and finds this blog… which I seriously doubt…
I have to start believing guys when they tell me they find me attractive… I’m just stubborn and only want the RIGHT guy to find me attractive. And, there are so many mixed signals!! Do they really like me for me, or even care to really know me? I get fed up and want to just be left alone. How, in Goodness Incarnate, can I know who the right guy is?
Jen, welcome to the world of casual dating… I’m still not sure if I want to even go there…
I think it should just be fun to get to know each other without any pressure. If it’s mutual, it’s mutual, otherwise, friends is a good thing! Right?
Is there any possible advice, please:
Have you ever been in a corn maze? I've always wanted to! And last Friday, I was! It was so fun! I love this time of year! :D
Aren't these some hot chics? :)
Woooah! Who are those crazy people? And what are they doing on my blog? :P
*YOU GUYS ROCK, I LOVE TO LIVE WITH YOU!*
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
A Dark Columbian
Is not what I ordered, but is what I got. Wow, does my coffee shop not get more entertaining every day… It seems like the Barista was trying to set me up with a fellow today… A fine choice I might add, but it would never work out ;) He was solely fling material, unlike myself (he would attest to this). This is not what I’m about. Even though he was dark with long hair (which I happen to have a thing for on certain men sometimes) and personable...
Anyways, isn’t life so random?
I had a wild weekend. It was very eventful and, mostly, good times.
I’m swamped in every area of my life, and today I realized everything I have to do in the next couple months and it seems only vaguely humanly possible… This results in stress…
I’m starting to work, which means less time, but hopefully, more money. Perhaps it will cut down on my social life a bit? Nawww… it will only increase it, right? :)
Exceptionally good all the same
Next weekend is looking spicy ;)
Can’t wait to see Courtenay’s band rock out on my birthday, and to see my first year roomy Rachelle!
What should I be for the Halloween party?
Thursday, October 20, 2005
From the spot on my floor, where I often sit, the weather rattles my window. I look out my window and see the neighbor’s work uniforms are perfectly hung up and drying on their balcony. People in apartments come from all areas of life, and it doesn’t make them less hard of workers. I respect and admire that. I don’t know how long I could last in one spot with a uniform job. I wish everyone could have their own real home.
I also see the boy I’ve deemed ‘with the internet girlfriend’ is eagerly typing on his computer, and the young Chinese fellow fools around with his girlfriend with the lights on. Either way, they have someone. I wonder if they are really happy the way they have found that.
The stay-at-home-mom who lives below me, is moving the furniture around in the main bedroom today: there are screeching furniture noises rising up through my floor… does she not have anything better to do with her time? Her home is gorgeous, I would aspire to have such a home one day, but I would hate it if I was stuck inside it all day, every day… cooking, cleaning... today I do not want to cook or clean.
Today, when I take the elevator, as I do every day, will strange men smile at me and watch as I walk away again? Will they actually peek outside the elevator to see what apartment I live in this time? I'm getting sick of all the heads that turn as I walk to my coffee shop. Men of all ages, men with children in the back seat. It doesn't matter what I wear or who I am, it makes me sick.
The cute one I saw in the elevator on the rainy day, he was in a soccer outfit. Soccer was exactly what I had wished to do on such a rainy day. Another day, I met him again in the elevator, with his gorgeous wife and adorable children. Part of me instantly wilted, but soon I was shining and glad. I still think the elevator is an interesting place. Brief encounters of a somewhat random kind...
Tonight I will close my windows as the howls of the drunks rises across the street and the wind rattles them and seeps in through the seams and causes me to cuddle deeper under my covers. I love the Chinese food restaurant across the street even though they always overcharge me the tiniest amount. It is a little comfort after night class when I don’t feel like cooking.
The coffee shop is really the best place for me to get my homework done, except between 12-2am under the covers in my room. At the coffee shop I sip different flavours of yum and I people-watch outside of my intent of reading. Yesterday it was two French children in fall sweaters eating cups full of whipped cream that caused my heart to beam. The other regulars come around. The old lady sneaks the seat next to me because she likes the comfy chairs as much as I do. I often leave to make room for her husband to sit near her. My chair is by the window, which happens to be the same as the English Teacher. He has a unique and mysterious energy about him that attracted me instantly. Sarah noticed before I noticed it about myself. He sits in my spot, or near it, and does his elementary school marking. Little did I know that he happens to love Jeff Buckley as much as I do, which makes the attraction even more intense but, I could never even initiate with someone I am this attracted to and, he has a significant other. The Barista tells me to go for it; “be a house wrecker” he says. “I could never!!!” I respond. “Yes, you COULD” He remarks, but I could never let myself do such a thing.
I went for a run down a street where people are comfortable decorating their front lawns however they please. One house had an orchard on their front lawn surrounded by shrubberies shaped like little castle walls, and though it was odd, it was dear, and I wondered if perhaps the prince who slayed the dragon and the princess he won have grown old and wrinkled together there; having little picnics in their orchard on sunny days and perhaps that drizzly autumn evening they were making warm cider to sip by the lamplight together.
The top three rainy day activities according to The View are Movie, Read, Sex, in that order. I wonder if it’s because movies and books are more readily available and consenting to people. I know next time it rains I will wonder at this as Amelie did. I certainly like to watch movies and read on rainy days, with coffee, or tea (refer to previous post).
Jump for joy! Hannelle has been a wonder and bought me a coffee maker! Hazzah! Anyone who makes coffee available to me is superhuman in my books, and now I am living with a goddess (not that she wasn’t lovely before she did this saintly act).
The Fall is perfectly named the Fall. It has fallen upon us rather suddenly. I love the Fall and it never lasts long enough. The first snow fall is always a mixture of enchantment and doom for me. Don’t come until I’m ready for you!
And you know there is much more to me, if you only knew.
~ All for now
Sunday, October 16, 2005
Saturday, October 08, 2005
1. Name someone with the same birthday as you.
A girl named Erin and some guy I knew once in high school
2. Where was your first kiss?
hehe… behind the church on the basketball court…
3. Have you ever seriously vandalized someone else's property?
I shot someone with shampoo once… heh heh
And shaving cream… and various condiments…
4. Have you ever hit someone of the opposite sex?
yes… playfully mostly
5. Have you ever sung in front of a large number of people?
yes – solos in church, or in the Redeemer choir
6. What's the first thing you notice about the preferred sex?
hmmm… If they have an interesting personality, their style, their laugh
7. What really turns you on?
Creativity and intelligence, If that person just seems to ‘get’ me, and I ‘get’ him, Intuition of the human condition –the highs and lows, A good sense of humour
8. What do you order at Starbucks?
Coffee – either the roast of the day for a cheap and exotic caffeine fix for studying, or, a caramel corretto or chai latte because they are so darn delicious – when I’m out with a friend, or a caramel apple cider because they are pretty wonderful :) Particularly in the fall.
9. What is your biggest mistake?
uh… I really have no idea… perhaps not enough time with my sisters
10. Ever hurt yourself on purpose?
wah, no! But, sometimes I let myself fall too hard for the ‘wrong’ person, just because I value them so much for who they really are, and somehow they find out and then they can’t just be friends with me anymore so, I kick myself everyday for ever falling for them, because I would have rather had the friendship than nothing. But, I get over it.
11. Say something totally random about you.
I loved Jem as a kid… she was my hero! I was her for Halloween 2 or 3x. I wanted to be a rockstar and sing in a band all day and then at night own my own restaurant in cognito and be a master chef/hostess. Ya, full time working woman. I still wish I didn’t have to sleep. ;)
12. Has anyone ever said you looked like a celebrity?
uh… sure, the really gorgeous one with the personality…
13. Do you still watch kiddy movies or tv shows?
Harry Potter. I would watch some of the movies I watched as a kid if the right mood came up or I was babysitting: The Labyrinth, The Goonies, The Land Before Time, The Never Ending Story, Fern Gully… etc. Casper, Anastasia and Road to El Dorado are great movies, lol
Uh, I would watch Breaker High… :P
14. Did you have braces?
ya… they were blue. For a couple years in high school…
15. Are you comfortable with your height?
Sure, but not my width so much, so if I could stretch a little… ;) Lamark…
16. What is the most romantic thing someone of the preferred sex has done for you?
Not sure I want to reveal any of that here right now. Though I am thankful and truly cherish what was in the past, I am looking forward to the blessings that will be in the future with my husband one day…
17. When do you know it's love?
When you can admire each other and love them for their flaws.
When you can do anything together and still have the time of your life and wouldn’t want to be with anyone else.
When you can be totally open with each other and disagree and it doesn’t matter, you still want to share everything with them.
18. Do you speak any other languages?
A little French, I wish I was fluent
19. Have you ever been to a tanning salon?
nope, I prefer to get outside in the summer and tan au natural
20. What magazines do you read?
In Style… :P It makes me spend money and get too materialistic :P
I take peaks at car magazines all the time. There are some interesting mags out there but, I prefer books.
I want to subscribe to Psychology Today.
Ok, at work in the summer, because it got so boring, I would look through those stupid magazines about the stars and I knew all about Angelina and Brad, and poor Jen, and Brittany and Jen’s Babies etc. :P Not anymore!!!
21. Have you ever ridden in a limo?
22. Has anyone you were really close with passed away?
And I have a ‘long lost older sister’
23. Do you watch MTV?
don’t watch tv… I would sometimes cause I’m a music junky, but I probably wouldn’t like half the stuff on there anyways
24. What's something that really annoys you?
um… not very many things, very often…
I don't like it when someone has something on their mind pertaining to me, but they won't just say it. Often times, I don't recognize it at the time (but i do later), or I just ignore it. But, I'd rather have someone be open and honest with me, even if they think it would hurt my feelings or if it is hard to say.
25. What's something you really like?
26. Do you like Michael Jackson?
haha, I used to like him a lot as a kid… that Thriller video was excellent!
27. Can you dance?
Ya baby! I like to shake a leg, cut a rug, rock the Casbah… hehe
Seriously, ya, just nothing too spicy unless it’s my future husband ;)
28. What's the latest you have ever stayed up?
um probably about 48 hrs… during those all-nighters at youth group and such :)
29. Have you ever thought that you were honestly going to die?
uh… I don’t think so… but, I have felt death before…
And, my dad came to my rescue once when I was really young and stuck underwater once though, I vaguely remember…
30. Have you ever been rushed by an ambulance into the emergency room?
not because I was hurt, but with someone who was, yes
31. Do you actually read these when other people fill them out?
yes :) I find people interesting
Thursday, October 06, 2005
God Speed you back here Darling :)
Oi, long week ahead starting today: Studying for midterms and interview at 3pm. Audioslave concert tomorrow night with the Court :D (woot!), home for Thanksgiving this weekend (my aunt from NC is visiting, yay! :D), study study study, friends in town, good food, good laughter, Excellent Jung class on Tuesday about the Persona and the Shadow (can’t wait). Wed and Thursday Midtems in Health and Physiological Psychology (Quiz me on brain anatomy, can I eat yours? I feel like a zombie, COFFEE COFFEEEE!!!!). Than, I pass out.
Yay for Wednesday nights :) Lovely girls night last night :) Nothing like it, it’s good for the soul: Candles, wine, yummy fresh ground coffee, amazing intelligent fun women, cigars on the porch, laughter and excellent conversation. Good times ladies :)
Contemplating: Restrictive Conservativism and the tendency towards seeking ‘perfectionism’ within Christianity in tension with the Relativism and open sexuality of our culture. I like to exercise the middle ground; How can I glorify God most fully while being true to myself?
Monday, October 03, 2005
Saturday, October 01, 2005
| You scored as Cultural Creative. Cultural Creatives are probably the newest group to enter this realm. You are a modern thinker who tends to shy away from organized religion but still feels as if there is something greater than ourselves. You are very spiritual, even if you are not religious. Life has a meaning outside of the rational.|
What is Your World View? (updated)
created with QuizFarm.com
Yes! Romanticist and Existentialist equally ;) But only 44%!!
Just to verify, I don't follow the typical Existentialist perspectives that this title commonly alludes to, but empathise with Kirkegaard.
(Thought I would do this ;) You should do it too! Haha, it took me like 3 days to put this list together :P I’m sure my friends could make this better for me, what does that say about me!? lol, anyhoo, enjoy)
1. I love the rain!
2. Abridged versions of books are sacrilege
3. Aesthetics is important! Beauty is good. Yet, not as important as the Essence
4. “Variety IS the spice of life” –Anne (L M Montgomery)
5. I love soy milk, yum!
6. Grocery shopping is practical AND fun!
7. I have a favorite ugly old(man) sweater that I have had since elementary school
8. I am an art major who doesn’t do enough art
9. I am very open, ask me something!
10. I don’t get embarrassed very easily, but I do turn pink a lot
11. I can be pretty shy around people sometimes, while other times I am quite the initiative talkative person
12. I love watching old OLD movies in the middle of the night
13. I love going for drives on sunshiny days with the windows down and good music
14. I like cars :)
15. I seem to like tragic romances where people die in the end
16. If you ever want to make my day, buy me a coffee :)
17. One day I would like a house with pottery in the kitchen
18. My b-day is the day before Halloween. I have enjoyed Halloween as my second favourite holiday, thanksgiving is great too! I LOVE THE FALL in EVERY WAY! :)
19. I’m forgetful, and it makes me feel pretty daft half the time :P
20. I love the Roaring 20s and the Dirty 30s ;)
21. I’m a hopeless lucubrate in my own way (ya, go look it up ;) lol > yay Dictionary.com!)
If FREE time actually existed, I would….
(from Sarah-dear’s blog:)
~Do all my homework
~Go for runs more! Get people together to go play soccer, or badminton, or ultimate Frisbee!
~Read all the books in my bookshelf that are on the “one day I will read list” as well as all the books on my list of books to find and read and then start reading all the books in the Mac library one by one
~Ride an Elephant to school and work
~WORK TONS and make LOTS of money to pay off all my school debt and rent payments and groceries/necessity expense for the year (this includes coffee) AND buy a real SWEET muscle car!! and be able to give money for the poor AND have money in savings for such things as: -cute little house fund –Post grad Ed fund –vacations around the world Fund
~Develop my “Skills”… (vote Pedro!)
~Dance in the rain
~Go to see more bands play, and theatre plays
~Go on vacation everywhere
~Meet more and more people
~Hang out with everyone I love!
~Start up a bunch of clubs
~Go read in cafes more often
~Hike EVERYWHERE with my camera
~Go to church more
~Sew all my clothes (and they would all be perfect because I would have developed that skill) and have my own clothing line
~Work 10 really super cool jobs :D
~Take more classes just for the heck of it because they are fun
~Challenge the neighbour kids to races, basketball games, red rover…
~Have more slumber parties!
~Go on road trips (yay road trips!)
~watch all the best movies in existence
~Listen to all the best music in existence
~Do more art
~write a novel
~sing in a rock band
~intern at an asylum
~journal about everything
~Brainstorm and research about areas of interest more often
~Have a dog… and a monkey!!
~SO MUCH MORE that I can’t think of…