Monday, August 23, 2004

Today i heard a man preaching about divine feces, and I thought to myself, "What a wonderful world" no... haha, i thought; What an exclamation to pronounce to the world! To have found that the essence of something so low on the heirarchy of worth we put on things to be found as so spectacular as to shout it out to the masses. It was so profound i had to laugh and Sarah joined in with me :) Aw, yay for laughing buddies.
So, then i started thinking perhaps we should stop raising worldly things to be heavenly and respect them for being what they are. :) And perhaps we should keep our mouths to proclaim what is truly worthy of praise! :D
A couple poems by Tennyson;

Now Sleeps the Crimson Petal
Now sleeps the crimson petal, now the white;
Nor the waves the cypress in the palace walk;
Nor winks the gold fin in the porphyry font
The firefly wakens: waken thou with me.

Now droops the milk-white peacock like a ghost,
And like a ghost she glimmers on to me.

Now lies the Earth all Danae to the stars,
And all thy heart lies open unto me.

Now slides the silent meteor on, and leaves
A shining furrow, as thy thoughts in me.

Now folds the lily all her sweetness up,
And slips into the bosom of the lake.
So fold thyself, my dearest, thou, and slip
Into my bosom and be lost in me.

Tears, Idle Tears
Tears, idle tears, I know not what they means,
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy autumn fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.

Fresh as the beam glittering on a sail,
That brings our friends up from the underworld,
Sad as the last which reddens over one
That sinks with all we love below the verge;
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.

Ah, sad and strange as in the dark summer dawn,
The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds
To dying ears, when unto dying eyes
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.

Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others; deep as love,
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;
O death in life, the days that are no more.

And one by Keats;

When I Have Fears That I May Cease To Be
When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,
Before high-piled books, in charact’ry,
Hold like rich garners the full-ripened grain;
When I behold, upon the night’s starred face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of reflecting love! – then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Till Love and Fame to nothingness do sink.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Two Movies I am anxious to see!

Looks to be rather exciting, as the story of Alexander is!! Can't wait to see those elephants ;) Has an exceptional cast! I love Angelina Joli and there is a nice range of handsome gentleman; Colin Farrell, Val Kilmer, Jared Leto.
some pics from the movie

Finding Neverland
About the inspiration to write the story of Peter Pan. Lead actor; Johnny Depp! ;) Oh and Kate Winslet is pretty cool ;)

more pics from this movie

Latest band craze;

The Format

Interventions & Lullabies

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

The Used

Look into my eyes
I’m jaded now whatever that means
By sharing these things
I rip my heart out
It’s worth my time
Whatever that means…
Hard to see up
My neck feels stiff until I wake up
The orange I chocked
And back to my neck
It’s worth my time
Whatever that means… so

Share with me
‘Cause I need it right now
Let me see your insides
Or write me off
Cause I’d rather starve now
If you won’t open up

Give it to me
Give me all…whatever you want
It’s never been me to want this much from you
I can see
It tears me up

On My Own
See all these people on the ground
Wasting time
I try to hold it all inside
But just for tonight
The top of the world
Sitting here wishing
The things I’ve become
That something is missing
Maybe I...
But what do I know

And now it seems that I have found
Nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
Slow it down
Without it all
I’m choking on nothing
It’s clear in my head
And I’m screaming for something
Knowing nothing is better than knowing at all
On my own

Greener with the Scenery
You took it back
How could you go and do something like that
My fingernail phase
Worst has got the best of you
I ask you and I know I need to change
You took it back
You ripped my heart out of me than you put it back
I’m pulling my hair
I let you just a million times
I love you even though it isn’t fair

Monday, August 16, 2004

Some things i wrote;

This cup crashes into my head like a cannonball
It’s potency overwhelming me, helplessly
I flood onto my bed to rest again,
Thoughts overflowing, head pounding, shallow breathing
Leaving me to find oblivion
And I can’t stop drinking this brew,
It makes me fly high for a little while,
So warm and sweet,
Thinking it will carry me through the day,
But it dizzies me with hollow hopes and
Steers me towards the ground
And I crash harder than I felt when I woke up this morning
And when will I fly with no risk of falling?
These bruises I keep making are holding me down,
So restless to run and lift off the ground
When will I
finally soar through ethereality?
my life stop adding up to ephemeral totality?
I raise my cup to drink again,
And my toast is burnt with words of
“Who cares? Such is life;
the struggle and fight and the exhaustion that follows”
But I’ve tasted a quenching cup before
Perhaps I need to climb that mountain to get more?
Perhaps I could fly up there?
Always looking for that easier way up the stairs of the ziggurat…
The answer is beyond myself
I can’t reach it without sacrificing the taste of the past
And how long will it take for me to let go?
I’m grasping at everything I can hold, trying to make it all mine,
It squishes like banana through my hands, I need to learn to enjoy the ride
I hate being alone,
But I’m afraid to crash in front of you
And you’ll be scared away from the flames that consume me
When I’ve let my wounded heart collide into too many walls again.
And I’ll be left alone among this wreckage as before,
To gather myself together
I can’t stop sipping this saline stew,
Eating these molding words that taste so fresh but make me sick
And I still feel your touch and my body aches
I can’t fly any more
I’m wrestling with an angel, want to steal His wings,
And that’s the greatest fall!
There are no pomegranates in this desert, and I’m sick of sugary fruitcakes
Drowned in icing
It’s time to fast but, my stomach is in pain,
I want a good meal,To sustain me,
but that’s worth waiting past.
Got to let my wings mend so I can fly again,
Have to stop pulling feathers out and wearing them…
Once I was an angel to someone...
And I won’t be again unless I
Learn to say goodbye
Unless I keep my head up high
Unless I rest in hands beyond my own,
Stop searching below my real home,
Some day I’ll find it in the sky.
-Jen Boddaert

My spirit, analogous to a dove that lives in a bell tower,
It dwells amongst gargoyles that stand strong in the convictions of lofty stone gothic heights.
They speak of protecting and guarding the foundations of light.
They are lucubrates and monastically I thrive to passionately chain myself to creating illuminations of righteousness!
I feel ugly and yet gorgeous just as they do!
But, I am a dove, restless for sunshine and for proclaiming peace,
That must fly over the green rolling hills and wildflower meadows
As well as to venture to places I have never been before!
Whether dark trenches or burnt forest floor,
Every place is a treasure for me to explore
And as a messenger of mercy,
I am used
And will fly through ruin and storm and come out tattered and worn.
Also, I am not as pure as a newborn, I have lived and grown weary with truths
And must find my place amongst it all;
Not an ivory tower,
But a humble knoll overlooking the sea.
Let my bell tower resound with joy ringing to the villagers
and shine as a lighthouse to those in danger of crashing into rocks while in darkness.
I will fly in the glory of the Son as I see Him lighting up the land each day
And at night to rest and study, trusting and obeying
In the Spirit beyond me.
-Jen Boddaert

Love of a Jealous Kind ~ Jars of Clay

I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends

You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind

Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than to be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand

One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride
With my dear Bonnie and Cheryl, we drove through sunkissed country roads laced with wild flowers and came upon the beautiful beach with lovely sand to squish between our toes. We soaked up the sun, and I soaked it up enough to create some weird burn designs on my back as Cheryl and Bon had fun making them with the 30spf lotion... and i had fun letting them burn... now i can't wear halter tops... :)
Thanks for the excellent-sunshiney-fun day girls!! I love you!

Thursday, August 12, 2004

La Belle Dame Sans Merci
Oh what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,

Alone and palely loitering?
The sedge has withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.
Oh what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,

So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrel's granary is full,
And the harvest's done.
I see a lily on thy brow,

With anguish moist and fever-dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
Fast withereth too.
I met a lady in the meads,

Full beautiful - a faery's child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.
I made a garland for her head,

And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She looked at me as she did love,
And made sweet moan.
I set her on my pacing steed,

And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
A faery's song.
She found me roots of relish sweet,

And honey wild, and manna-dew,
And sure in language strange she said -'I love thee true'.
She took me to her elfin grot,

And there she wept and sighed full sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With kisses four.
And there she lulled me asleep

And there I dreamed - Ah! woe betide! -
The latest dream I ever dreamt
On the cold hill side.
I saw pale kings and princes too,

Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
They cried - 'La Belle Dame sans Merci
Hath thee in thrall!'
I saw their starved lips in the gloam,

With horrid warning gaped wide,
And I awoke and found me here,
On the cold hill's side.
And this is why I sojourn here

Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.
-John Keats

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Reality Shows;
Here’s an idea for the next For Love or Money;
Send 30 men to a huge mansion where they are told they will meet a gorgeous woman who will slowly eliminate them to find her true love and then when the men arrive, surprise them with a twist; That woman is really a man! Will they still fall in love for money? Stay tuned and find out!
****What is this world coming tooooooo????!!!!****

My fortune cookie today told me; “You are a man of righteousness and integrity.”
Great. All along, I was the man I am meant to marry!
I’m glad my fortune cookie informed me of that before I had given up hope of ever finding him.