Wednesday, December 08, 2004

Just returned from an excellent weekend visiting with Redeemer folk :) I am really looking forward to being back there, taking classes and seeing such great people again :) Especially my hot boyfriend ;)

Now I will sit and sip some hot Irish Breakfast tea. I have never before had it, and I have found just now, that I really really like it! :) I am now a tea drinker as well as a coffee drinker. Lately I have been drinking Pepperment and Green Tea and I love Chai tea as well :) This Irish Breakfast tea may taste really nicely along with one of my last cigars... except that it is called breakfast tea and having a cigar for breakfast does not sound like a very good habit... but it's not breakfast right now, and I am drinking breakfast tea... I wonder if that is considered a rebellious or improper thing to do; Like when we were in Quebec City and one of my friends mixed her red and white wines together.... lol

I am going to read some more of my Gothic Romance; The Mysteries of Udolpho by Ann Radcliffe, it is exceptional so far! :)
Later I am going to watch Night of the Living Dead. I just found out that we owned it and I have never seen it before. The cover says not to watch it alone, but there is no one to watch it with, except Leopold, my jack russel pup, who has already rooted right under the covers of my bed. He would probably watch it with me, he's a funny dog, he thinks he's a wallaby and he likes to watch tv. I am interested in these classic zombie movies, I wonder how hard they will make me laugh? Seeing one of the classics will make me laugh harder at Shawn of Dead if I had never seen one, right?

I bought a few movies at Zellers the other day for $2 each. They were all old movies, one was an Alfred Hitchcock, score! It was filmed in the 1930s, which is perfect for my taste because I love the styles of things back then ;)

Seen any good movies lately you'd like to recommend?

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

From A Woman’s Journey to the Heart of God by Cynthia Heald

“I received a beautiful testimony from a precious young woman who suffered the death of her young son through sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS). Here is n excerpt from her letter:

I never did get really angry with God, for God held up his end of the bargain. He blessed us with a loving son to rise in HIS will. I just was not prepared for what his will was to bring on how much this trial would hurt. So I started prying daily, and daily I would walk and pray, pray and walk. One day I was exceptionally hurt that someone who had been through the loss of a child through SIDS was not calling me. I was telling God how much it hurt and I needed to talk to someone who has been through this. He ever so gently said, “Then come to me for I lost my son also.” I had never had such a prayerful experience in my life and was so awestruck I had to sit down. God answered me like he was standing right there. And that’s when it finally hit me, God is here, he is walking with me, but most importantly he is LIVE.

This is the heart of the Father: “In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years.” (Is. 63:9 NLT).

Never a trial that He is not there,
Never a burden that He doth not bare,
Never a sorrow that He doth not share,
Moment by moment, I’m under His care.”
Check it out, a Rubik's cube online;

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

"173. Between the roof and the shed and the big plant that hangs over the fence from the house next door I could see the constellation Orion.
People say that Orion is called Orion because Orion was a hunter and the constellation looks like a hunter with a club and a bow and arrow, like this;
But this is really silly because it is just stars, and you could join up the dots in any way you wanted, and you could make it look like a lady with an umbrella who is waving, or the coffeemaker Mrs. Shears has, which is from Italy, with a handle and steam coming out, or like a dinosaur
And there aren't any lines in space, so you could join bits of Orion to bits of Lepus or Taurus or Gemini and say that they were a constellation called the Bunch of Grapes or Jesus or the Bicycle (except that they don't have bicyles in Roman and Greek times, which was when they called Orion Orion).
And anyway, Orion is not a hunter or a coffeemaker or a dinosaur. It is just Betelgeuse and Bellatrix and Alnilam and Rigel and 17 other stars I don't know the names of. And they are nuclear explosions billions of miles away.
And that is the truth."

An exerpt from my most immediate source of reading. It is an excellent book and I highly recommend it! It's called 'the curious incident of the dog in the night-time' by Mark Haddon. It is about a boy with Asperger's Syndrome who wakes up one morning to find the neighbours' dog is dead and decides to investigate into it's murder. The way the book is written is from the boy's perspective and it is absolutely wonderful and clever and heart-wrenching.

Monday, November 08, 2004

You came from the sky. Your a daydreamer and prefer
to have a good look on situations.

Where did you come from?
brought to you by Quizilla

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Hmmm, well I am torn,
As Danielle knows! Because she told me that today there is a chance of flurries!!! Should I be wary of going outside then? And should i hole up with a book and a coffee and a warm blanket and wait it out? Or should I put on my mittens and go outside and enjoy as the first snowflakes flutter down and perhaps do a little prewinter jig around my yard (I have got my flu shot just in the nic of time!)?
Hmmmm, that's a toughy! I suppose I only have one chance at seeing the first snowfall this year, while I always curl up with a book and coffee... but it is still hard to decide...

I love finishing books, don't you? When you can sit down and devour the last half of a novel, feeling it slowly get thinner in your right hand as you near the finish. And afterwards, thinking about what you read and what the really good parts of it were :) And being able to say that you read it and you then can move onto another one! :) I finished 2 of my 10 books this week and I am working on 2 more :) Soon enough I will be able to just read one book at a time... lol

Ok, I am REALLY liking Jeff Buckley, so go and search for some of his music and try it out for yourself :) I especially like this song by him; (It makes me meee ll t t t, there is just some really achy, soulful singing along with these lyrics!).

Lilac Wine
Jeff Buckley

I lost myself on a cold damp night
I gave myself in that mysty light
was hypnotized by a strange delight
under the lilac tree

I made wine from the lilac tree
put my heart in it's recipe
makes me see what i want to see
and be what i want to be

when i think more than i want to think!
I do things i never should do....
i drink much more than i oughtta drink!
because it brings me back you....

Lilac Wine
is sweet and heady
like my love
Lilac wine...
I feel
like my love....

Listen to me
I cannot see clearly
Isn't that she
coming to me
nearly you....

Lilac wine
is sweet and heady
where's my love?...
Lilac wine...
I feel
Where's my love?....

Listen to me!
Why's everything so hazy?
Isn't that she,
Or have i just gone crazy.. now....

Lilac wine
I feel I'm ready
For what love.. feel...
I'm ready..

For my love

Saturday, November 06, 2004

This was my amusement as I waited in the doc's office for my flu shot the other day, an exceprt from one of the books I'm reading, one of the more interesting parts of this book;

One afternoon, sometimes during the previous winter of 1918, I had returned from class to find a note from Rockwell pinned on my door. “Be at Sloan’s Bar, 5P.M.,” it read. “There’s someone from upstate I want you to meet.”
I opened the door, tossed my portfolio inside, and clattered back down the narrow stairwell that led to the street. It was already five. Rockwell’s energy made him seem a restless man with a tensile attention span. He might not still be there.
But he was, and in the company of an older man, wonderfully disheveled; a man who gave the impression that, although sitting reasonably still, he was nevertheless being buffeted by invisible forces. He was sweating profusely and kept mopping his wet brow with a large, stained pink handkerchief.
“Austin,” said Rockwell, “meet Abbott Theyer. He hates this bar.”
Rockwell has called the establishment Sloan’s Bar ever since the painter John Sloan has made a picture of the place. It was, in actuality, names McSorely’s Ale House, as was the work of art.
“I do not hate this ale house,” said Thayer. “I hate no place on earth. But it is far too warm and there are no angels here.”
I looked at Rockwell. He was listening attentively to what the older man had to say. “You hate Sloan’s painting,” he said to him.
“The painter has depicted only that which is here, not what might be here, not what should be here. Why, why,” demanded Thayer, “why would he want to do that?”
“He has painted the dignity of the common man, Abbott.” Rockwell motioned in the direction of one of the bartenders. “Look at him, Abbott. There he stands in his long white apron. He probably is an angel, and if not now, he will probably become an angel.”
“There are no animals here either,” said Thayer, ignoring altogether Rockwell’s fantasies about the bartender. “there aren’t even any concealed animals here.”
“Thayer here,” explained Rockwell, “has written a most scholarly volume entitled Concealing Coloration in the Animal Kingdom. Tell Austin about the blue jay, Abbott.”
“I don’t want to talk about the blue jay,” said Thayer. He looked around the room suspiciously. “The enemy might be listening. One can never be too careful.” He rose to his feet, approaching the potential angel, and ordering another glass of water.
“Thayer is in town,” Rockwell told me, “because he is trying to encourage various and sundry worthies to take his theories to the War Department. He’s has a hell of an ongoing row with Teddy Roosevelt about birds, concealing colouration and all that.
“Teddy Roosevelt?” I chocked my beer. “Are you serious?”
“Absolutely. They’ve been battling it out for over a year.” Thayer returned to the table and slumped dejectedly in his chair. “How many letters has Roosevelt written to you, about the blue jay?” Rockwell asked him.
Thayer drew his chair closer to mine and whispered, “The blue jay is invisible in snow. He is coloured blue and white precisely so that he will blend with the snow. I have made a painting entitled Blue Jay in Snow in which the bird is entirely invisible, can’t see him at all” He loosened the dirty, faded cravat at his throat. “T. Roosevelt refuses to accept my incontestable proof of this, to the great peril of the war effort. What was the point of us entering this godforsaken was if concealing colouration is not used to our advantage?” He thumped his forehead with his handkerchief, attempting to capture various beads of sweat.
“I helped this man do a painting once of a snake moving through leaves,” said Rockwell. “And when we were finished, the snake has completely disappeared from the canvas.”
“Why did the Titanic meet with disaster?” Thayer demanded of me, as if I were a schoolboy and he the master.
“because it hit an iceberg”
“and what colour was the iceberg?”
“well, there you have it.”
“Thayer says, “Rockwell clarified, “That a white object floating on a dark sea at night is invisible. And since Roosevelt himself has had white ships under his command, Thayer believed he might have been a kindred spirit.”
“What does this have to do with the blue jay?” I asked with as much gravity as I could muster.
“Nothing,” said Rockwell.
“Everything!” thundered Thayer, the possible presence of the enemy evidently forgotten. “The blue jay is blue and white in order to make itself invisible in shadowed snow, whether Mr. T Roosevelt believes it or not! That means that anything may appear to disappear!” He had attracted considerable attention in the bar. He pulled out his handkerchief again and mopped his brow. “Forgive me,” he said to a dozen or so curious faces turned in his direction. “I have a nervous disposition.”
“Henri always says that brilliancy is moving towards colour, not towards white,” I told Thayer, who immediately became even more agitated.
“You should have a beer, “Said Rockwell.
“I have never touched alcohol.”
“I’ll bet there is beer in heaven,” said Rockwell. “I’ll bet the angels drink beer. I’ve never seen even a hint of nervous disposition in your angels, Abbott.” He turned to me. “Thayer paints angels as well,” he said.
“In 1912,” Thayer said to me, once again ignoring Rockwell’s remarks, “well before the outbreak of the war, I invited Mr. T. Roosevelt to witness the disappearance of the blue jay in the shadowed snow of Central Park. Three or four of the birds has concealed themselves beautifully there in full view of the fifty witnesses who has accompanied me to the spot the week before. The blue feathers are for shadows, and the white feathers are, of course, for snow. The smaller, darker markings are there precisely so that you will confuse them with twigs – the markings, of course, not the jay – though there are birds that look exactly like twigs all over and that conceal themselves in dead bushes and the like. Do you know what he wrote to me?”
I did not.
“He wrote to me that my experiments with the blue jay and snow have as little relation to real life as would such experiments with ‘a blue-rump baboon by the Mediterranean.’ The audacity! The pomposity! Oh, I am certain he has spoken to the War Department and that is why they ignore my theories of concealing colouration! Why, why are we in this war?”
“My sentiments exactly,” said Rockwell.
“It had only been three years since Rockwell, his wife and children, had been turfed out of the British colony of Newfoundland. Rockwell could never understand why his singing of German lieder from a cliff edge at dawn, and at the top of his lungs, should have so upset the authorities. He offered lessons in music appreciation, and when those were refused, he painted a large, fierce German eagle on the outside door of the little building he used as a studio, partly as revenge and partly as a sign of respect for the Northern Europeans whose culture he so loved. This was the final straw. He was given notice to leave immediately, though permitted to delay his departure by two weeks when he explained that his children had the measles. He has loved Newfoundland. This war meant that he couldn’t be himself and remain there. He was disgusted when America entered the fray.
“I’ll tell you why we are in this war,” Rockwell was saying now. “We are in this war so that fat capitalists, like the father of Austin here, so that fat capitalists can get fatter.”
“Your father is a capitalist, sir?” Thayer looked at me for the first time with genuine interest.
I felt my face grow red, but said nothing.
Rockwell assured him that such was the case. “One of the worst,” he said. “Exploits miners, ruins pristine northern landscapes, slaughters virgin forests.”
Thayer smiled at me. “I have never,” he said, “approved of Kent’s socialist politics.”
“I’ll say!” said Rockwell. “He threw me right out of his house! Never let me back in the door! Now he only sees me in New York.”
“A terrible influence on the children,” Thayer confided. “Couldn’t have him spouting all that nonsense in front of the children, and other winged beings.”
“Look at that bartender,” Rockwell said. “Look at the small dark wings of his bow tie. In his own simple dignity, his ministrations to the tired, decent, honest working man who visit his establishment, is he not also an angel?”
“Thayer snorted, glared at Rockwell, and once again turned to me with a smile. “I paint winged beings,” he said. “The larger ones are angels, the middle-sized ones are portraits of my children, who are angels but whose wings are cleverly disguised by concealing colouration, and the smaller ones are of birds… some concealed, and some, though it grieves me to say it, hopelessly exposed. Might your father be interested in any of these?”
“I’m afraid he is no collector,” I replied.
“Might he then,” Thayer persisted, “know anyone at the War Department? Would my theories of concealing colouration interest your father, do you think?”
“No, they wouldn’t,” Rockwell interjected. “Capitalists have no imagination, Abbott.”
“Neither do dogmatists,” retaliated Thayer. “There is nothing winged about them. Dogmatists never hang large, expensive angels in their homes. They will not admit that a zebra’s striped were made by God to conceal the beat in long, thin weeds.”
“Hold it,” said Rockwell. “I helped you paint that invisible snake, remember?”
“That is true, Kent,” said Thayer. “I really wasn’t referring to you …yet. And, as you may gather, I am unwell. I am torn to pieces,” he lamented. “I am tied in knots. Why, why am I in this overheated bar? Why, why am I in this city?” He rose to his feet. “I must conceal myself in the country in the company of my winged creatures.” He places his bowler hat upon his head. “Goodbye gentlemen.”
“I love you, Abbott,” said Rockwell, leaping from his chair and embracing the older man.
“I love you too, Kent,” said Thayer, “but you are never again to visit my home.”
“I suppose it must be so,” said Rockwell.
“yes it must,” agreed Thayer. And then, after shaking my hand, he left McSorely’s Ale House, and not too many hours late I assume he left the city of New York.

“well aren’t you a fortunate on,” said Rockwell after the door had closed behind Abbott Thayer.
“How so?” I asked. I handed Rockwell a cigarette, lit one myself, then passed the lighter to my friend.
“God, I really do love that man. He introduced me to the Nordic sagas and God knows I love the north. But it was one of the happiest days of my life when I was banished from Thayer’s house. To be a bonafide member of the Thayer school, you realize, it is mandatory to visit his house… often. Now I am a man who loves the snow, and cold. Can you think of anyone who loves it more?”
I could not.
“Well, I can,” continues Rockwell. “Thayer loves it even more than me. Aren’t you the lucky one that he didn’t invite you.”
I wasn’t so sure of this, I had been drawn to the eccentricities of the man. “What’s the problem with the house?” I asked.
“The problem is, it is completely unheated. Thayer doesn’t believe in any form of artificial heat. Thinks it’s unhealthy.”
Rockwell laughed. “I was there once in winter and almost died of pneumonia! Each morning when I woke, my chin was frozen to the blanket, my shoes frozen to the floor. The family sleeps outdoors year-round under makeshift lean-tos. Guests are permitted to bed down indoors. Not that it makes much difference; all the windows are left open. For ventilation! Thayer says that if the men and women of the sagas could live without artificial heat, and Thayer believes that all of his children are angels; though few of them are children anymore.”
Rockwell described his first indoor blizzard. He had been sitting in the wooden armchair – Thayer did not approve of upholstery – talking with the man, when a sudden hard wind from the east had brought driving snow and sleet directly into the room. “Feel it!” Thayer has enthused. “Experience it! Thoreau should have known such indoor weather. He should be here with us.” They has been discussing Walden at the time.
Rockwell walked up to the bar and ordered another beer.
“so, I suppose he is insane,” I said to him when he returned.
He looked at me with astonishment. “Insane? Absolutely not. He is himself … relentlessly himself. Not a man to change either his art or his character as a result of, for example, a show of contemporary European cubism.”
His reference to the Armory Show, which has taken place the year before I came to New York, was not lost on me. I myself, influenced by those who had been influenced by it, had attempted one or two cubist nudes.

-The Underpainter, Jane Urquhart

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Hi all! I'm generally back again! ;)
Well, my party month is over.
And, yes I was right, I did fall in love with Quebec (I am so glad the french love cheese, because I love it too! And I'm so glad they love wine with their cheese too...), and in love with Rachel and her fiance (they are truly a couple brought together by the hand of God and so adorable too, Congratulations to the happy couple and to God be the glory!), and in love with my Love who came to visit me :) So much to love, so little time ;)
Here I sit taking a break from one of the four books I have recently taken out of my church library. I am now officially reading 8 books at the moment….
Which I don’t usually do.
I am listening to Jeff Buckley, and drinking a glass of really nice wine, it’s a very sweet white wine, Dutch I think and simply lovely (just like some people I know ;) ).
I just changed my calendar to November, and now for this month I will see the Trevi Fountain at Night in Rome instead of the mouth of the Grand Canal in Venice, San Giorgio Maggiore made a shadow by the evening sun setting in the distance.
The scenes of our calendars change just as the scenes of our lives change, (these are the days of our lives.....) whether we like the change or not. Philosophers have spun over and over the idea of Time, some emphasizing how it is gradual and growing, some how it is repetitive and cyclic, in any case, change is something everyone must come to terms with in their own lives, it is engrained in Time and keeps our life in motion.

In reading I came across this prayer, “Be present, O merciful God, and protect us through the hours of this night, so that we who are wearied by the changes and chances of this life may rest in your eternal changelessness; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.”

Though change is not the enemy, it can be difficult to adjust to changes and to jump at the chances we have, in this world that is so full of multitudes of fleeting glances, fads, people and places and memories, it is amazing and wonderful that we have something in our lives that is never-changing, always stable, always present, always there for us, always loving us, our heavenly Father. In your happiest and everyday moments and even in your darkest hours, remember that He is still there, the same as always, ready for you and faithful in you.

Tuesday, October 05, 2004

Well, don't have much to say... but my October is fulling up full of wonderful things! :D It will be a beautiful autumn and I hope it doesn't go by too fast! ;)
Thanksgiving weekend will be a joy, followed by a trip to Windsor to visit with my best friend where we will be keeping occupied with various church functions involving a girl's sleepover, and a banquet :) It will be fun, as it always is with my bestest friend in the world, Lindz. :)
After that weekend full of fun, I'll be FINALLY heading up to Quebec with a couple of my first year dormies and best friends, where I know I will fall in love with the City and in love with Rachel and her fiance who are so in love, and in love with seeing them get married!!!!! :D that I will not want to leave! ;)
But, I must leave BECAUSE my Love is coming to visit me for the reading break :) and it is also my birthday Oct. 30th and I know I will have a wonderful birthday :)

I am happy to see that Redeemer has graduated to using paper cups instead of styrofoam!! Seeing that made me want to rejoice in all that is good in the world! Thank you Redeemer for taking that step towards being better stewards of our environment! :D

Snack tip; A well-rounded really yummy (yet addictive) snack I have made up; digest cookies dipped into Nutella! Everyone knows nuts are good for you and chocolate is good to the soul, so be good to yourself and try it sometime ;)

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

There is some cool foggy thing going on tonight in lovely Lambeth :) I always love the fog :) especially at night. It’s like Sleepy Hollow, … but… it’s not…there are no decapitations and Lambeth is actually a peaceful place... I love sitting in the backyard by the morning glories and reading my book and drinking my coffee and hearing the bells from the corner church ring:)
This time of year is the best, when there is a cool breeze that has that hint of autumn in it :) I love taking out my sweaters and comfy warm socks :)

So, I had a wonderful little reunion with one of my best friends from High school tonight after volley ball at the church. We had a wonderful conversation about confiscating a Polynesian island and inviting all of our friends our age to fly there to get married and we would all live there happily… lol. And I would live there with my pet monkey,… who will be famous!! Because we would make a movie, reminiscent of an Alfred Hitchcock, about monkeys and how they bite and don’t stop biting and especially about their worst weapon of all; projectile poo! (But, my monkey will be the hero, not the evil ones that throw poo! ;) ) I can’t believe no one has thought about this before! We will make millions!! Especially when our ‘Monkeys with Projectile Poo” games went on the market… lol

Aw, i'm glad i get to see some of my old friends :) Matty rocks!

So, the other day a fly flew into my coffee…and I thought, ‘Poor little fly, what a way to die! Drowning in coffee,’…and than I thought, ‘Not too bad actually’…

This is the funniest yet! I have to go into the doctors for some testing :P and my mom who is the biggest worrier, especially for her kids, while she was at the hospital the other day stole a gown!! She was afraid that if I went in for testing to this one doctor that doesn’t have gowns, that I would be really uncomfortable… and she just admitted that she stole it for me! lol I laughed so hard!! My mom rocks! ;)

Isn’t life interesting… what interesting things are happening to you!?

Sunday, September 12, 2004

Aug 18, 2004 I wrote in my journal;
It's something to say that you should live today like it's one of your last days, taking hold of life and delighting in it as a gift, but we can't go up to someone and force them to do the same; go up to them and be all excited to embrace life and all its goodness and expect them to be as excited and energized to embrace life as you.

Well, i can say i've been on both sides of the fence on this idea. It's not so easy! But, this is a thought to consider! If everyone lived like it was their last day to live, what would happen? Would people waste it? Be more active? Be more selfish? Do more good? I suppose our world would result in a mad frenzy... but, when I speak here about living our life as in it is our last day to live, i mean, living this life in the light of all the good things around us we take advantage of! Grabbing hold of the good things and praising God for them. Grabbing hold of the day and acting according to a Kingdom life; one living with God and considering others, one where progress is made and things get done that need to be done, one where we are obedient to move even in the little things and joyful to act even in the little things! Where selfless love is the purpose of all we do and say. Imagine then how things would be!

I was in a really interesting conversation with one of my friends one day and he said that upon looking at the mosaic of a meltingpot culture, it looked ugly... i believe he said something to the extent of it being repulsive. I sat a bit dumb as to what to say to that; I grew up at a public school and found learning about the other cultures there extremely enlightening and though it was a challange to understand this world and it's differences from a Christian perspective, I did not reach the conclusion of ugliness as my friend commented, and his comment nagged at me. Thus, the next entry;

Aug 23, 2004;
God made the world full of variety and diversity and it is a mosaic of beauty, it is when that variety does not coincide with His truth and grace that things become ugly on the opposite pole. That the beauty of diversity is perverted into a more humanistic separation from others and that unity is fragmented into a shattered mess.

What do you think? :)

Saturday, September 11, 2004

Hey, this is me with red hair. Slide on over to my poll and vote ;)  Posted by Hello

Thursday, September 09, 2004


I stumbled upon this film curiously; seeing a drama with a mystery attached and a lead actress to carry it well, I was drawn in to unmask the tale of Dogville. Little did I know that for the next couple hours my heart and mind and soul would be tossed in a whirlwind of emotional drama which wrenched me to the core. It is a film that magnifies humanity’s sinful nature and its consequences.

The story opens with a man, Tom, who’s hopeful and driven to redeem his town; his time spent toiling over thoughts and working to philosophize and devise ways to save them from themselves. He calls town meetings in the mission house to provide the opportunity to the townsfolk to worship God and he speaks to them in order that they may change their ways. One night he finds the personification of Grace (she had run away and needed a place to hide) and sees this as the chance the town has to shine upon its mountain top, to learn to live in love, community, and open goodness given to others. We sit as if viewing from a higher realm, seeing the entire village as if we are God. We see each person; we see through the walls, into each room, we see each of the people’s good and evil acts. We see how Grace goes about making the town a better place, offering to help people who don’t want to be helped, but then somehow find things to keep her busy each day and slowly become overly dependent on her to take on their tasks. The police start looking for Grace and the townspeople start to act as if Grace should owe them something for keeping her there. Then we see each and every one do their share in abusing Grace in the most abhorrent ways, taking full advantage of Grace and projecting all their faults, guilt, insecurities and shame onto her. We see also, how Grace only ever responds with mercy, complete submission, never taking or asking anything in return. All the allusion points to the town of Dogwood as a lost Dog astray and baring its teeth and tearing like a rabid animal at Grace simply for taking its bone, the only thing she ever took. A hollow piece of our human anatomy, a dumb animal’s teether, points to our worst fault of all; our comfortable ignorance, for Grace has revealed all their human faults and laid bear their sinfulness.

In the end even Tom, who had high hopes for his town, the man who loved Grace and whom she loved, who never asked anything of her, ends up betraying her in his humanness. For he knew what was happening and did nothing, and even when he chose her above his fellow town folk, he could not resist turning her in. Still when Tom and his Reason failed to help change things, failed to help show the power of forgiveness and the optimism of edification, I hung to the last thread of hope that there could be some way to redeem this town. Finally, Grace is put in the position of power where she may choose the fate of the town. At this point I sat on edge, my soul crying out for a symbolic and penetrating redemption for each soul therein…

What still boggles me to this moment is this; Now we know the man Grace was hiding from was her father, a man powerful enough to destroy anything he wished. Grace and he have a discussion where her father reprimands Grace for being so arrogant as to refuse to do what was actually right for the town folk at the time and retort them for their wrongs and stand up for herself. For, in taking on all their sins on herself, she only condemns others to continue sinning and taking, in turn proving that she is not so pure and righteous. At first she stands up for the townspeople, still seeing the good that is there, not blaming them for their humanness, excusing them from their wrong, but her father had encouraged her to see all their faults and inexcusability and so she, with her newfound power, chooses this time to stand up for herself and smite all the wicked, condemning them to death by massacre and the town is burned down.

My thoughts flurry specifically around how this message stands in parallel to the biblical message; for I have grown up Anno Domini, where Christ is the real personification of Grace, living in the Truth that He took our sins upon Him and died for us that we would be Redeemed. The beauty and goodness of this message is what we live on! For without it we cannot live! That is exactly why, in the movie, no one did; because that message was not there.

I’m tempted to tell you that Grace was human in this film and that is why she resorts to ‘revenge’ and massacre, and thus, doing no better than all the evil done to her and leaving the film to display some profound drama of ‘What goes around comes around.” Perhaps instead, if she hadn’t given up wholly on Reason and Good Works but, found that though those things were helpful they weren’t ultimately the answer, she may have found a different answer than to just destroy it all. One that was a message of hope and redemption and spoke of unconditional love and forgiveness. For now she will just go start from scratch someplace else and it may end up in flames again, seeing as how we are all born with original sin. And how long could a human in such conditions as she endured live on anger, rebellion and revenge? For one must really be driven to the end of their rope, so empty, to fall into such a condition and then, they will burn themselves out, condemning themselves as they continue to condemn others. With her power she could have chosen to do good somehow, and to change things….

But, I am challanged to look again at the nature of Grace. In the Old Testament, God provides many chances for the wicked, showing mercy on many accounts, for He is a God of love. But, there are also instances where God smites the wicked, for who questions God in His action to do so? What is wicked needs to die, it is parasitic to the goodness on earth, and so; may it be an act of Grace to stomp out the evil to its very roots so it does not further infest any good? Could this movie not be a modern and brutal display of a harsh reality which we idly ignore, in order to help us see how good we have it now? To see the chance we have in the Grace of God we can know today because of Christ? In the movie, the dog is all that is left of the town, and its name happens to be Moses. Moses was the first leader of men in the Old Testament to be used by God to save the animals and humankind from the wrath of God. The people who are left with Moses in this story, are the people in the audience who really get the message.
Still guffawed at the dynamic philosophy of this film, still trying to figure it all out. For something so sensational should have a righteous purpose, or it is just damaging.

What do you think?

Now, anyone up for Magnolia? I haven’t seen that one yet.

Wondering; how a rattle snake's rattle is structured in order to make the rattle sound.

Thought for further pondering and studying; the roots of anger and agression

Something of great amusement to watch; my jack-russel pup Leo, hunting, pouncing on and eating bugs

Reading; Cold Mountain- Charles Frazier ( 237/356 pgs, I promised myself i would read the book before i see the movie, and i am itching to see the movie!!), Walking Amoung The Unseen, An invitation to open the door to spiritual joy! - Hannah Hurnard (She is my favourite author, knows how to speak my language and fill my soul with joy and peace and love for my King)

Listening to; The fly Leo's chasing buzz, Frank Sinatra croon away ;) Sing it Frankie!

Saturday, September 04, 2004

It’s about time for another blog

The other day
I went for a 10K canoe ride with my dad, my sister and her boyfriend Juan-Pierre. It was so gorgeous and peaceful and guess what we saw!? A bald eagle! I tried to get a picture of it with my dad’s super lens digital camera; I was so upset that I didn’t get to in time! I guess my chances at having my dream job as a National Geographic photographer are pretty slim for that very reason, that’s why I am going into Psychology, the stress of getting a perfect picture in time is just too much!

Jun is so funny, my dad had his GPS with him and it said how fast our boat was going, so Jun tried to see how fast we could get the canoe to go and we got it up to 9km/hr for brief second. Haha!

Well, at one point I was curious to see what was over one of the ridges along the river, so dad suggested we pull the canoe over and I could shimmy up this one log. So, we did and I went up that log pretty well. Coming to the top of the ridge, I came to find corn fields, not too surprising, but in my imagination I was hoping for a large open meadow full of wildflowers, a breathtaking view, and I would be compelled to run through it and pick flowers before returning to the canoe… haha, no luck. Anyways, I didn’t think that getting back down the log would be so difficult and I got stuck halfway, suspended about 5 feet off the slanted muddy slope and about 5 more feet from the river itself. If I fell, I would be muddy, bruised and wet (That was me the other day when dad took us to the beach on a rainy day and we decided to hike along the edge and at one point had to go down a slippery mud slope to get to the beach…) Well, I made it down the log as my father and Juan laughed at my bum in the air and called me a human sundial :P

Anyways, we also saw a couple gorgeous hawks; one with a creamy white body, it was beautiful!! and a couple that had tufts of rusty red that glowed at the ends of their wings. I think hawks are so beautiful and I have never seen so many of the larger/rarer birds of Canada in one day! (Except there was one time on a trip to Toronto that I saw at least 30 red tailed hawks perched along the side of the road) The other day when my father and I were hiking through the woods, we heard a couple hawks up in the trees above us, they have such an exquisite sounding call.

Well, we also canoed right by a snake in the middle of the river, and a couple turtles. We chased about 3 or 4 herons up the river. They are such beautiful creatures as well. We also saw many smaller birds of which I do not know their name, but I did recognize a woodpecker. There were such cute ducks on the river as well; when we got too close they would lift out of the river, their back-end dragging a bit as if they were still awkward in learning to take off flying, and then took off speedy-like down the river. :)
I’ve decided that though Canadian Geese, or loons, are somewhat nice looking and such,but they have got to be the most chicken, loud and annoying birds. There are so many of them and they are so loud that they seem to claim the Canadian land for themselves and thus they are our National bird, but they remind me more of the seagulls in Finding Nemo than actual seagulls do! Really, they sound more like them!!

Yesterday, my family and I went to the beach up in Inverhuron where we used to have a cottage which we rented every summer when I was younger. My dad and I biked along a really charming forest pathway along the water and came out onto the point where there was a loon and a seagull sharing a far rock peacefully. It was the loon that took off first and set off a whole chorus of loony quacking.

That point was where we used to build huge bonfires and let them flame so high and than we would walk back to our cottage and peak out the window over looking the bay and see if the fire was still as big as we left it. My mom would mutter about how my dad would probably start a forest fire and burn down the whole coastline and my dad would assure my mom that the fire was far enough out on the point and just pull out the Red-Pop and put in the Hercules movie and suggest we have a bonfire and roast some marshmallows later.
I miss that place :) One thing we would always do when we went up to the cottage was buy squeaky cheese (cheese curds) from the cheese factory which we passed on our way up (and we did yesterday too) and we would buy smarties and play games of black jack using them s our betting money until late into the night. We did that the other day too.

The man who used to rent out our cottage has a house up there right beside them and beautiful gardens which he said we could use whenever we’d like to, so we used to ply hide and seek day and night. Sometimes he would have his giant sprinklers on and that always made it fun. Other times there would be glow bugs out and we would try and catch them in our hands. There was a little spring where we would put water in water bottles for hiking through the giant sand dunes into the forest and there was the river that flowed long the garden out to the lake and when we would put out canoe in, all the little tadpoles or little frogs would swim/hop about. They were so interesting to look at.

I really miss the long days t the beach, reading books at leisure, walking to the candy store (which isn’t there anymore) all together and buying one cent candies and those paper airplanes and then racing them with my brother and sister to see who’s flew farther and better.
We would go into Kincardine some days and always visit the bakery, and always get something. Each of us kids usually getting a cupcake which had some candy design on top, like our favorite ninja turtle ( Michelangelo). Sadly the bakery wasn’t there this time, but the toy store we used to go to was and I browsed the books :)

Good times :)

You know, as we drove down that way we passed a store that sold nostalgia, lol, well, I had plenty of it all ready yesterday ;)

Warm fuzzies everyone.

Monday, August 23, 2004

Today i heard a man preaching about divine feces, and I thought to myself, "What a wonderful world" no... haha, i thought; What an exclamation to pronounce to the world! To have found that the essence of something so low on the heirarchy of worth we put on things to be found as so spectacular as to shout it out to the masses. It was so profound i had to laugh and Sarah joined in with me :) Aw, yay for laughing buddies.
So, then i started thinking perhaps we should stop raising worldly things to be heavenly and respect them for being what they are. :) And perhaps we should keep our mouths to proclaim what is truly worthy of praise! :D
A couple poems by Tennyson;

Now Sleeps the Crimson Petal
Now sleeps the crimson petal, now the white;
Nor the waves the cypress in the palace walk;
Nor winks the gold fin in the porphyry font
The firefly wakens: waken thou with me.

Now droops the milk-white peacock like a ghost,
And like a ghost she glimmers on to me.

Now lies the Earth all Danae to the stars,
And all thy heart lies open unto me.

Now slides the silent meteor on, and leaves
A shining furrow, as thy thoughts in me.

Now folds the lily all her sweetness up,
And slips into the bosom of the lake.
So fold thyself, my dearest, thou, and slip
Into my bosom and be lost in me.

Tears, Idle Tears
Tears, idle tears, I know not what they means,
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy autumn fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.

Fresh as the beam glittering on a sail,
That brings our friends up from the underworld,
Sad as the last which reddens over one
That sinks with all we love below the verge;
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.

Ah, sad and strange as in the dark summer dawn,
The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds
To dying ears, when unto dying eyes
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.

Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others; deep as love,
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;
O death in life, the days that are no more.

And one by Keats;

When I Have Fears That I May Cease To Be
When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has gleaned my teeming brain,
Before high-piled books, in charact’ry,
Hold like rich garners the full-ripened grain;
When I behold, upon the night’s starred face,
Huge cloudy symbols of a high romance,
And think that I may never live to trace
Their shadows with the magic hand of chance;
And when I feel, fair creature of an hour,
That I shall never look upon thee more,
Never have relish in the faery power
Of reflecting love! – then on the shore
Of the wide world I stand alone, and think
Till Love and Fame to nothingness do sink.

Thursday, August 19, 2004

Two Movies I am anxious to see!

Looks to be rather exciting, as the story of Alexander is!! Can't wait to see those elephants ;) Has an exceptional cast! I love Angelina Joli and there is a nice range of handsome gentleman; Colin Farrell, Val Kilmer, Jared Leto.
some pics from the movie

Finding Neverland
About the inspiration to write the story of Peter Pan. Lead actor; Johnny Depp! ;) Oh and Kate Winslet is pretty cool ;)

more pics from this movie

Latest band craze;

The Format

Interventions & Lullabies

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

The Used

Look into my eyes
I’m jaded now whatever that means
By sharing these things
I rip my heart out
It’s worth my time
Whatever that means…
Hard to see up
My neck feels stiff until I wake up
The orange I chocked
And back to my neck
It’s worth my time
Whatever that means… so

Share with me
‘Cause I need it right now
Let me see your insides
Or write me off
Cause I’d rather starve now
If you won’t open up

Give it to me
Give me all…whatever you want
It’s never been me to want this much from you
I can see
It tears me up

On My Own
See all these people on the ground
Wasting time
I try to hold it all inside
But just for tonight
The top of the world
Sitting here wishing
The things I’ve become
That something is missing
Maybe I...
But what do I know

And now it seems that I have found
Nothing at all
I want to hear your voice out loud
Slow it down
Without it all
I’m choking on nothing
It’s clear in my head
And I’m screaming for something
Knowing nothing is better than knowing at all
On my own

Greener with the Scenery
You took it back
How could you go and do something like that
My fingernail phase
Worst has got the best of you
I ask you and I know I need to change
You took it back
You ripped my heart out of me than you put it back
I’m pulling my hair
I let you just a million times
I love you even though it isn’t fair

Monday, August 16, 2004

Some things i wrote;

This cup crashes into my head like a cannonball
It’s potency overwhelming me, helplessly
I flood onto my bed to rest again,
Thoughts overflowing, head pounding, shallow breathing
Leaving me to find oblivion
And I can’t stop drinking this brew,
It makes me fly high for a little while,
So warm and sweet,
Thinking it will carry me through the day,
But it dizzies me with hollow hopes and
Steers me towards the ground
And I crash harder than I felt when I woke up this morning
And when will I fly with no risk of falling?
These bruises I keep making are holding me down,
So restless to run and lift off the ground
When will I
finally soar through ethereality?
my life stop adding up to ephemeral totality?
I raise my cup to drink again,
And my toast is burnt with words of
“Who cares? Such is life;
the struggle and fight and the exhaustion that follows”
But I’ve tasted a quenching cup before
Perhaps I need to climb that mountain to get more?
Perhaps I could fly up there?
Always looking for that easier way up the stairs of the ziggurat…
The answer is beyond myself
I can’t reach it without sacrificing the taste of the past
And how long will it take for me to let go?
I’m grasping at everything I can hold, trying to make it all mine,
It squishes like banana through my hands, I need to learn to enjoy the ride
I hate being alone,
But I’m afraid to crash in front of you
And you’ll be scared away from the flames that consume me
When I’ve let my wounded heart collide into too many walls again.
And I’ll be left alone among this wreckage as before,
To gather myself together
I can’t stop sipping this saline stew,
Eating these molding words that taste so fresh but make me sick
And I still feel your touch and my body aches
I can’t fly any more
I’m wrestling with an angel, want to steal His wings,
And that’s the greatest fall!
There are no pomegranates in this desert, and I’m sick of sugary fruitcakes
Drowned in icing
It’s time to fast but, my stomach is in pain,
I want a good meal,To sustain me,
but that’s worth waiting past.
Got to let my wings mend so I can fly again,
Have to stop pulling feathers out and wearing them…
Once I was an angel to someone...
And I won’t be again unless I
Learn to say goodbye
Unless I keep my head up high
Unless I rest in hands beyond my own,
Stop searching below my real home,
Some day I’ll find it in the sky.
-Jen Boddaert

My spirit, analogous to a dove that lives in a bell tower,
It dwells amongst gargoyles that stand strong in the convictions of lofty stone gothic heights.
They speak of protecting and guarding the foundations of light.
They are lucubrates and monastically I thrive to passionately chain myself to creating illuminations of righteousness!
I feel ugly and yet gorgeous just as they do!
But, I am a dove, restless for sunshine and for proclaiming peace,
That must fly over the green rolling hills and wildflower meadows
As well as to venture to places I have never been before!
Whether dark trenches or burnt forest floor,
Every place is a treasure for me to explore
And as a messenger of mercy,
I am used
And will fly through ruin and storm and come out tattered and worn.
Also, I am not as pure as a newborn, I have lived and grown weary with truths
And must find my place amongst it all;
Not an ivory tower,
But a humble knoll overlooking the sea.
Let my bell tower resound with joy ringing to the villagers
and shine as a lighthouse to those in danger of crashing into rocks while in darkness.
I will fly in the glory of the Son as I see Him lighting up the land each day
And at night to rest and study, trusting and obeying
In the Spirit beyond me.
-Jen Boddaert

Love of a Jealous Kind ~ Jars of Clay

I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends

You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in lines
While you're turning over tables with the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Hanging ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind

Trying to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Than to be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand

One hundred other lovers, more, one hundred other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride
With my dear Bonnie and Cheryl, we drove through sunkissed country roads laced with wild flowers and came upon the beautiful beach with lovely sand to squish between our toes. We soaked up the sun, and I soaked it up enough to create some weird burn designs on my back as Cheryl and Bon had fun making them with the 30spf lotion... and i had fun letting them burn... now i can't wear halter tops... :)
Thanks for the excellent-sunshiney-fun day girls!! I love you!

Thursday, August 12, 2004

La Belle Dame Sans Merci
Oh what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,

Alone and palely loitering?
The sedge has withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.
Oh what can ail thee, knight-at-arms,

So haggard and so woe-begone?
The squirrel's granary is full,
And the harvest's done.
I see a lily on thy brow,

With anguish moist and fever-dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
Fast withereth too.
I met a lady in the meads,

Full beautiful - a faery's child,
Her hair was long, her foot was light,
And her eyes were wild.
I made a garland for her head,

And bracelets too, and fragrant zone;
She looked at me as she did love,
And made sweet moan.
I set her on my pacing steed,

And nothing else saw all day long,
For sidelong would she bend, and sing
A faery's song.
She found me roots of relish sweet,

And honey wild, and manna-dew,
And sure in language strange she said -'I love thee true'.
She took me to her elfin grot,

And there she wept and sighed full sore,
And there I shut her wild wild eyes
With kisses four.
And there she lulled me asleep

And there I dreamed - Ah! woe betide! -
The latest dream I ever dreamt
On the cold hill side.
I saw pale kings and princes too,

Pale warriors, death-pale were they all;
They cried - 'La Belle Dame sans Merci
Hath thee in thrall!'
I saw their starved lips in the gloam,

With horrid warning gaped wide,
And I awoke and found me here,
On the cold hill's side.
And this is why I sojourn here

Alone and palely loitering,
Though the sedge is withered from the lake,
And no birds sing.
-John Keats

Tuesday, August 10, 2004

Reality Shows;
Here’s an idea for the next For Love or Money;
Send 30 men to a huge mansion where they are told they will meet a gorgeous woman who will slowly eliminate them to find her true love and then when the men arrive, surprise them with a twist; That woman is really a man! Will they still fall in love for money? Stay tuned and find out!
****What is this world coming tooooooo????!!!!****

My fortune cookie today told me; “You are a man of righteousness and integrity.”
Great. All along, I was the man I am meant to marry!
I’m glad my fortune cookie informed me of that before I had given up hope of ever finding him.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

It's so hard to see and enjoy living the Big Picture, when you are constantly stuffed into the small picture and aren't allowed to leave it. It almost seems like the Big Picture is a dream that is too large for your little life.

Thursday, June 24, 2004

Journal of a Janitor 4

Bethia's prodigal voice has returned and now, once again, the urinals resound with our singing.

She is thinking of dying her hair red! You know what that means!; double trouble. We will be the 2 singing, laughing, red headed janitors called the 'Red Team.' Perhaps we should start up a fan club and charge people admission into the bathrooms as we work. We already get a few people sneaking in past our sign. With our henry's we will be 4 red heads. I can see the poster now; a snap shot of Bethia and I walking down the hallway pulling our henrys behind us.

Potty humour;
We battled the dormant volcano again today. I went into the stall aghast, but still quite bravely, as Bethia edged in behind me. We stood before the wretched pool and pulled out our spray guns... er, spray bottles. What a mess!! That was NOT RIGHTEOUS!! Bethia said something in another language. Shocked, I asked if she was swearing in Swahili; She said "No! I'm praying in tongues!"
Bethia screwed the lid off her bottle and poured the 'warrior' in. Soon the air was filled with fume, depleting 50% of the oxygen in the stall. Gasping for air, Bethia shined that bowl up so sparkly and nice. Good as new! ;) Bethia's final words were "And there was peace in the Middle East"...

So, I'm intrigued by the lingo around here. The other day we piled a bunch of blonds into the physics lab. They are usually the ones with the mass wads of gum. Where are the brunettes?
Warrior is one of the cleaners we use, supposedly it out-did Mr.Clean at Coliseum way back in B.C. Mr. Clean only became popular again in the 1980s because he wore an earring, had a shiney bald head and looked like a white-rapper, just a craze! Go figure!
Also some miscommunication with Dominic about the difference between gowns and skirts! OY!!
You know when they clean the hallways, they call it 'cleaning the street'... Perhaps we should put racing stripes on the Henrys.

Bethia and I have noticed that Henry is creeping near the edge far too often when we vacuum the stairs. We are afraid that he may propel himself down the stairs towards us one of these days. Thus, it is part of our righteous mission to try and sober up these red faced drunkards and try and keep them from their suicide attempts. If one of the Henrys made such a wreckless dive, it would be one of the other Henrys having to clean it up... another one bites the dust...

They look like giant legos on wheels with elephant-hose-noses... Don't tell them I said that...

Cleaning professor's offices is a pleasure. It is nice to get to see a bit of each professor's space with pictures of family, and various decorations that appeal to their personality and comfort. I especially like the Religion and English prof offices; we seem to have things in common. It is interesting to see the kinds of books the prof's have in their offices, often there are walls and walls of them. I especially like Goheen's office, it is like a little monastic library, a quiet little cocoon one could sit,read, meditate and study in (and perhaps paint illuminations...) all day pleasantly :)
Our professors at Redeemer really are great! It is so wonderful to be at a place where I can grow and learn from the knowledge of those who are such scholars. They definitely deserve our honour, prayers and respect as fellow Christians. I am proud to serve them in the little way that I can, to clean their offices with singing and smiles, in return for the services of teaching and guidance which with they have blessed us with here at Redeemer.

Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Journal of a Janitor 3

The statue in the upstairs hallway that usually is found looking at the artwork on the wall has been moving… this morning at 6:30am it was found in the elevator…

Bethia and I have decided to lace all the men’s toilet seats with Spring Fresh as it may further our righteous cause of maintaining Redeemer’s fresh and clean atmosphere. What does Spring Fresh smell like? That has been the question this week… we still aren’t sure; it is a very artificial smell yet, surprisingly resembling its name.

Contemplating the different toilet seat styles (yes, there are different styles!! The things we take for granted! Some designer designed that seat just for your tush!!) I stumbled across an idea that may make me millions of dollars and I have decided it is safe to share it with you on the www. Here goes; designer toilet seats!!! You could match it to your wallpaper!! Just think; flower print for the ladies, plaid for the gents. I think I would want racer stripes… haha, crome!! That would be racey! Everyone will be talking about and envying you for your designer toilet seat!!!
The things you think of while cleaning… contemplating deep philosophies and psychologies, mourning over memories and getting depressed, or thinking the most inane imaginative things that you burst out laughing… almost sounds crazy…

Poor Bethia has lost her voice because she is sick. I miss her singing and I hope that she gets better soon! I have been a bad workmate and keep teasing her while she is down; the other day she mentioned that we were making too much noise cleaning that we were pushing people out of the room, I told her, “Ya, that was all you Bethia.” Then today I accidentally passed a couple bathrooms I was supposed to clean and she was down the other end of the hall gesturing that I had missed them… When I clued in I laughed and said “You know, it was just like we were in an old Mickey Mouse cartoon just then with our white gloves on and you gesturing with no voice… except that we are in colour.” Haha! Ya, she’s gonna get me if I ever get sick!! She gets the day off work tomorrow… I will miss her, not just because I enjoy teasing her and she laughs at my jokes! I hope she relaxes and gets better!

Thursday, June 17, 2004

Journal of a Janitor 2- Quelle Sera Sera

The bathrooms have been atrocious this week, i'm sure everybody is having intestinal problems. (How's that for the first line of a blog).

Bethia gave me a scare today. I was walking to the men's washroom that she had started to clean when she comes stumbling over the broom she was carrying to get out of it. For a moment i wasn't sure if she was crying or laughing! I asked if she was ok, she replied "Don't go in there!!" and was so serious I started laughing my head off. Some guy walked by and noticed this and asked what was wrong. Bethia was like "The toilet exploded!! I didn't think someone could have missed that bad it was just all over!! So,I just flushed it and the thing exploded!!"
It was horrible!! When i opened the door the whole stall was flooded like a swamp and there was a horrible stench! As we pondered and hesitated at parting this sea we worked at starting up our own 'Church in the John'. Bethia started with "I hoped Jesus would come down right then!" and then we prayed over and over like a Pentacostal praise service. We poured half the bottle of Spring fresh in that bowl and locked the door. Hallelujah, we were out of there!! Bethia was so happy she kept saying 'It is finished!', oh Bethia and her blasphemes!! Then we thought of signs to put on the door; "Warning, Biohazard" "Caution, use at own risk" "Potential douche" "Dormant volcano" "This bowl has a mind of it's own."
After that we started carrying our spray bottles off our belts as if we were ready to shoot any germ in our path. We are proud to serve our Redeemer campus, making it a sparkly clean, friendly and fresh smelling atmosphere :)

Then, we went to the next men's washroom and one of the professors said to us; "Can't get any peace and quiet anywhere" as he came out of the washroom carrying his reading material. That cracked us up and we started wondering if we should post reading hours on that washroom door.
I think he had something about those chemicals he mentioned last time we bumped into him; I swear the windex cleaner is worse for my lungs than the occassional Captain Black!

Bethia and i were talking about how we hope we don't get nightmares from this job like dreaming that we are cleaning one bathroom after another and it never ending!!!

Yesterday we were moving tables in the caf and started cracking up over trying to sing like this one male singer who sings that song that goes like; "I don't know much, but i know i love you"!! You should try it sometime, it is funny!!

On a sweeter note, the other day I was dry mopping the floors and a fellow came down the hall and asked if i had swept anyone off their feet yet. I kind of laughed and said 'no'. He replied 'Don't worry, it will come soon.'

I should say that Redeemer is an exceptional place to work because the people are so friggin nice. They compliment me on the pride i take in washing the windows and always tell me i'm doing a good job, most of them smile and say 'hi' back to me. If I was working in a public place, I'm sure I would getting hit on or ignored or talked rude to instead. YAY for Redeemer.

Every seems to know who we are now because of our trademarks, the rags we wear out of our back pockets, even as we come in late and sit in the very front row in chapel, and the gospel singing and the inane laughing coming from the men's washrooms...

Henry has been seriously drunk on the job! Falling over and making a rucous! He is a hard worker though and such a good little sidekick at victoriously fighting the dirt at Redeemer University alongside us wonderwomen. I love henry! I feel like a big kid pulling her toy down the hallway! HAHA! He picks up EVERYTHING from leaves, frenchfries, hair pins and gum!! Now I sound like a vacuum salesperson... But, Henry's mine!

For all those who were in Tughan's art class this year and put together the 'Grace' art show; I washed the black finger prints off the walls! But, if they want to find the culprite of the huge nail holes, the fingerprints didn't completely wash off... and we all know it was Jeremy, 'cause I had absolutely nothing to do with it!
(By the way to those who don't know, the 'Grace' art show is moving to another school! Cool huh? Except, we are having some technical difficulties in that we are not sure how to hang some of the art, we don't think the school will take so kindly at us nailing each peice by it's four corners with giant nails as we did with at least 14 peices at Redeemer... ops, crazy, rebellious art students!!)

I got to drive the go-cart today!! They didn't know what they were getting into letting me drive that thing; I told them i had driven one before, but not that i crashed it... I freaked myself (and those around me) out trying to put it in reverse, and i tend to have a bit of a lead foot... but i was helped and than i drove smashingly like i was born to drive! ;)

Wednesday, June 09, 2004

I guess I should stop trying to make heaven on earth; Harmony and unity, joy and love and peace. I guess I should stop expecting people to act like they’re in heaven, or strive towards it anyways. I guess I should stop expecting to act like I’m in heaven, like I can deal with people loving me conditionally, like I can deal with people not caring about me even though I care about them.

I guess I shouldn’t let this world get to me, shouldn’t let it get to me that people get so caught up in the world and yet think that they are nearer to heaven, act like they are nearer to heaven, when they are really too proud to see or hear what we are trying to tell them, too proud to let me love them, to let me care, to share with me. Unrequited love, this is how Jesus lived… how did he live like that? What did He have here on earth? Nothing! He had nothing! His people, whom He loved, turned away from Him. No wonder He clung so tightly to His Father! The only one who cared, who was always there, who loved Him unconditionally, who gave Him purpose. Why can’t we see that love is something more than this world has made it out to be!?

We keep seeing love as romantic love, infatuation, why can’t we just be friends; brothers and sisters? We are told about the family of Christ all the time as Christians! So why can’t we try to act like one? Honouring each other, seeing the other for who they are and loving them despite, and even for, their faults!! Why can’t we see that some people actually try to love as a sister and don’t seek shallow romantic love? Why can’t men strive to see women as their sisters more? Love them and care for them as respected human beings, beautiful and unique? Share with them, talk with them about all sorts of things and not let shallow worldly perspectives carry them off into immature, dishonoring behaviours and perspectives?
I can understand why someone who lived in the world, and did not know Christ would… but I see my brothers every day, mistaking love to be what it is not. It is insulting, it is hurtful, and it is sad. It is degrading not only to the people they view wrongly, but to the Kingdom of God. Half the time they don’t realize they are doing it! They make excuses, they have become too accustomed, too comfortable.

Why can’t we attempt to love with God’s love? Why? When we are reminded/ once had conviction for/ are always wondering why we can’t anymore… try to live for God and like God and with God every day…!! We cannot see love!! No love, except for what we claim for ourselves… How can we enter the Kingdom of God if our love is not God’s love? If we are not vessels for His love to flow? How can we enter the Kingdom of God if we hog all the love for ourselves and not share it except with only people we want to share it with? How is that God’s love? Why do we seem to think that is ok? I see people, who are so blind, who live for themselves, and yet they are strong and good Christians. How can they be told to love? How can they be changed? When they only listen to what they enjoy hearing about God, and not also what is hard to take about God and His love and what it means for us?

I am sick of seeing people go to church on Sundays and have no joy! I’m sick of seeing those who know Christ, who sat and watched The Passion of Christ and afterwards felt too embarrassed to show their joy, to show that they were moved by that film, instead had to walk out uncomfortably quiet as if they were being pious. I’m sick of seeing people too exhausted to care, too proud to jump and shout and get excited about their God, to raise their hands, to fall to their knees, to lend an ear, to open their heart and arms. Where is the body of Christ? How is it moving? What is it doing? Where is the joy?

Jesus didn’t come to earth to bring peace, He came to earth to set the world on fire! On fire for God, for His glory, for His Kingdom to move and dance and flicker and shine! Well, I feel the urge to put a burning ember at the seats of my Christian family… but, how?
Journal of a Janitor

It’s interesting and pleasant to find that the only kinds of inscriptions on bathroom walls at Redeemer is simply things like; “Mickey” and “Humber Soccer Rules”… and these are few and far between. I remember being a teeny bopper at my high school in London, where there was no Christian affiliation and the population was almost 3x the size of Redeemer. One got into a habit of reading the increasingly growing conversations written and scratched into the bathroom walls, all containing various slang, swear words and “I (heart) Jim Bob Joe forever + ever + ever + ever.” It was almost like those walls were the school newspapers giving everyone the inside on relationships and weekend bush parties for the month only to be repainted and republished the following month. Nice to see that we are witnessing even through the cleanliness of our bathroom walls at Redeemer.

Also reminiscent of high school was sticking bubble gum under your desk. The other day I had to scrape a bunch of bubble gum off the bottom of desks and wondered if this was some kind of strange payback for all the times I stuck my gum under my desk in high school (which I’m sure was only once or twice...) I thought it was kind of funny!

So, I was cleaning the women’s change room as we do almost every day, and a lady came in; past the sign that said to stay out, past the cleaning supplies that sit outside the door and indicate that someone would be cleaning and says “It’s not a very good time to clean right now.” I held my tongue at the time, but what a dumb thing to say! When is a good time to clean than? When you don’t want to use the change room? I am just doing my job lady, besides, isn’t it nice to know that we clean this place regularly for you and by the way, how much do you pay to use these facilities as opposed to a club in town?


Ok, Bethia made me laugh so hard today. We were cleaning the men’s shower and the hose slipped while she was cleaning, the water pressure was so high that the hose was bouncing around spraying water EVERYWHERE!!! LOL! I laughed so hard the men outside waiting to use the room must have thought we were just fooling off and not working.

Yay to Brittany Goheen for making Bethia swear she will try out for choir next year!! I have been tormenting her that I will sick Dr. T on her! LOL! She has a wonderful singing voice and she is awesome! :)

Felt a bit odd the other day when I happened to find myself in a conversation with a male professor in the men’s washroom… Bethia was outside and heard us talking and was wondering what was going on, LOL. I had just started cleaning and Haas wanted to rinse out his cup, so he did, and he mentioned that he was concerned for us because we used so many chemicals to clean the bathroom. We then got into a discussion on organic chemicals, how they are not harmful to your health or the environment and perhaps Redeemer should look into using those instead…

Did not recognize Prof. Norman today!! He had no glasses on, but he also had no hair!! Well, he had hair, but his long hair is cut short and he had no beard/mustache! I felt so bad! But, he has the same smiley eyes and friendly smile.
I keep going past the Psy dep. and it makes me miss my Psy classes… perhaps I will read some psychology this summer. It is nice to see the professors in the hallways. As long as they get good vacations, I would think that would be an excellent profession…

Wondering why my monitor has lost its red pigment… I just bought this thing last summer!! Why so blue?

Oh my!

Massages are wonderful!!! I thank Cheryl for encouraging me to go get a full body massage with her!! It was a beautiful day for a Spa day, driving around in the country and tanning after being oiled. All we were missing was the chocolate! And, perhaps a few more coolers… er…. LOL, perhaps not…
No worries ;)

Last night Winger, Bon and I decided to drive to Burlington to see a movie. We ended up seeing “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.” An interesting and artistic film with good actors and an intriguing plot. A bit odd and risqué, but worth a see if you are into artsy fartsy thinking movies.

Mature subject matter…. What is considered ‘mature’ subject matter? ‘cause I’ve seen a lot of movies that have a lot of immature subject matter that isn’t appropriate for a younger audience and some people seem to think it is hilarious… when it’s really just a load of rude and/or potty humour or a massive amount of illegal and violent activity, both of which are not considered very mature behaviors or things mature people would really get much entertainment out of watching. This is mostly in reference to teenage comedies and under acted, overly done fantasy action flicks. There is too much of this garbage out there these days. I am an avid movie lover and watcher and find these films to make a bad name for the film industry. Thank goodness we don’t have a Canadian Pie!

Monday, June 07, 2004

Which Legendary Actress are you?

HAHA!! I took it again and got;

Which Legendary Actress are you?

Oh my!!! Not sure I like that... thought I do feel sorry for that woman... I wish I got Grace Kelly instead!! LOL
Hey have you seen 'Some like it Hot?'
Good movie! Pretty funny!

Wednesday, June 02, 2004

Do you ever feel the need to just go walk into a church, no matter what time it is? I kind of feel sad that you can’t just go up to a church door and find it to be open, or at least have a bell for a chance to be opened. Didn’t they used to have that churches were open almost all day every day? Do they do that in Europe still? In North America these days there is all this expensive equipment churches use, stuffing it with some financial value that needs to be protected. These things are not bad to have and we know we do not have to physically go to a church to feel closer to God necessarily, but I think there is more significant value and something to be said for a simple, yet beautiful church, with open doors.

Tuesday, June 01, 2004

Biking in the rain :)
The sun is shining in my room now, but on my way home from work, there were precarious clouds looming about, lightening and bits of blue sky teasing about.
It was pleasently refreshing after a 9 1/2 hr work day of cleaning. My bike's gears are acting up, but with the rain, it was gliding at a nice speed for most of the ride home, and you HAVE TO KNOW HOW GREAT IT IS TO JUST GET WET AND SPLASH THROUGH PUDDLES and get a little dirty, lol.

Anyway, i was contemplating if i would get hit by lightening on my bike... i suppose the chances are slim for getting hit by lightening but, there's always heard of a couple incidents where a friend of a friend got hit by lightening and died and you just don't want to be one of those stories starting today... So, i automatically asked for God's protection, that i wouldn't get hit by lightening... and than realized that if God wanted to take my life that way today, why would i be against that. I can't tell God what to do and besides, I've given my life to Him, He can do with it as He would. Sure, i love life and want to do much with it and still want to experience and know much more. But, I am frankly not much afraid of death, perhaps discomforted by the idea of physical pain... And, uniting with my heavenly Father in heaven is something to look forward to, not something to run away from. But, anyhoo...

So, by the time i got home the hail started falling, (It sounded like golfballs were pelting against the side of my place!) I was drenched and I felt like a kid coming home from playing keep away with the guys at recess and having slid into a mud puddle AGAIN, just like the day before and the day before that! LOL Brought me back.... And I had to pull off my wet socks and roll up my pants so as not to get the place wet and dirty.
Aw, somebody loves me, even though I am drenched and dirty.The sun is shining on me, and I am Son-kissed :D
Anyhoo, God bless you all.
I'm going to curl up warm with a cup of coffee :)

So, some of you know that I am working at Redeemer in Janitorial. Well, it is a good hard working and humble job and I am actually glad to be doing some bum work. It feels good to do some calorie-burning, grunge work for the good of everyone, coming home and showering after a good days work. I bike to work and back everyday and that is a nice workout as well :) That mist yesterday was awesome for running in too! I am glad for the sunshine today though, it is great to see Hamilton in the summer, to go driving, to go grab ice cream and french fries and walk along the harbour and watch movies and do summer things in this great weather. I can't wait to hit some bike trails around here :D

I work with some lovely women, one of whom likes to sing while she works and it is wonderful. I told her she should come out for choir next year. We've start singing quietly a bit in the bathrooms as we clean; soon we may just start belting gospel music, and getting our freak on up in there. **FREAK ON IN THE JOHN -Disco in the men's washroom, bring your own air freshener...** Oh my, we turned the music up in the caf today, Ralph Hart comes in and says "Is this Redeemer University or a bar?" leading to interesting conversation as to wether we should play some of the music that is played in the caf at Redeemer, like Bryan Adams and some of his risque lyrics, and if and when dancing is appropriate. Made me think 'cause I have been getting back into gospel music which makes me want to get up and sing and shout and dance. I hope to visit a gospel church soon where I can do that in service on a Sunday morning :D

Saw Dr.Teewsen today, I wondered if he had heard us singing in the bathrooms at all as he asked me if i was returning to Redeemer next year.'Yes,' I said with a smile "And perhaps with a bit of a new perspective of the place." Hehe

Thursday, May 27, 2004

HAHA This made me laugh... Have you ever felt this way?;
Love Sick

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

Here Monkey, Monkey, Monkey

Baby lemur abou to leap
Baby lemur abou to leap

So, what if I wanted a pet monkey? Is that really so odd? They have pet monkeys over in the middle east, you know those ones that they train to steal, like Abu in Aladdin and that one monkey in Raiders of the Lost Ark ... And what about pirates? Some of them have pet monkies, and so did Brother Andrew, he wrote about it in The Narrow Road.
Well, I suppose it is something a european gypsy would have... Perhaps I will have to move there where it would be more acceptable to have a pet monkey. Perhaps these monkeys have a bad reputation because of their ancestors reputation as theifs... well, they can be trained to steal, so they can be trained to be good too! They are smart little guys. :)
I wonder how they would get along with dogs...?
Perhaps the clever and amiable monkeys would become so popular they would dominate the tradition of owning dogs! And the poor dogs would be seen as daft in comparison. (Not my dogs ;) ) Than we would see monkeys wearing parkas and little mittens and tuques in the cold Canadian winter.

Or perhaps I should just go buy a villa in Italy where he and I would enjoy the climate better ;)
1. Grab the nearest book.
2. Open the book to page 23.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.

AAHH!!! There are a lot of books closest to me....

"Thus, for the first time, in the West at any rate, our physiology was said to determine our attitudes and actions,and not the dieties or the heavenly bodies. As Shakespeare would put it, writing man centuries later, 'The fault, dear Brutus, is not in the stars, but in ourselves.'"
-Please Understand Me II -Keirsey

"A cross-cultural survey of the mythologies of mankind, consequently, will have to note not only universals but also the transformations of those common themes in the ranges of their occurence."
-Myths to Live By -Joseph Campbell

"One of these times it was not going to be an act, Henry would blow that dynamite."
-The Negotiator, Dee Henderson

"Even the cook pipes stylized letters in marzipan across cakes and candies, they fill their bellies with their frantic writing."
- From a re-telling of Rumplestillskin 'Words like Pale Stones' in Black Thorn, White Rose

"Seers have read the entrails of slain animals, cracks in shells, the flight path of the eagle, and the placemtn of the stars to predict what the gods are up to and what the future will bring."
-The Will of God as a Way of Life -Gerald Sittser

From one of my journals which happens to be the closest to me at the moment...
"Through friendship I'd grown to respect her"
-from exerpts of Boy Meets Girl by Josh Harris

Monday, May 24, 2004

I just spent 5 min looking for a post-it note pad, panicking that I could not find one! Why? Because I needed one! I came to realize that I am a post-it note freak, I have become addicted! If I'm not careful, I will wallpaper my walls with them....

Saturday, April 24, 2004

I found this while I was packing to move. It pierced my heart. I hope that it is working it’s way in me. I hope that it may bless you today;

What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun. Is there anything of which one can say, “look this is something new?”

Did not God say, “forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland”?

Yes but…

Did God not say, “You will be called by a new name that the mouth of the Lord will give. No longer will they call you Deserted or Desolate, but My Delight”?

That’s true, but…

Did Jeremiah not say, “the Lord’s compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness”?

Yes, but…

Did Jesus not invite us to experience new life in Him at the last supper when He took a cup, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood, which is poured out for you”?

Well, yes, He did, but…

Because of Him, we regard no one, we regard nothing, from a worldly point of view. There is something new under the sun. It is life in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Thanks be to God! Let us join in confessing and living out the new life God has given us in the Lord Jesus Christ.

If anyone is in Christ, there is a new creation; everything old has passed away; see, everything has become new!

O God, Searcher of our hearts, You have formed us as a people and claimed us as Your own. As we come to acknowledge Your sovereignty and grace, and to enter anew into covenant with You, reveal any reluctance or falsehood with us.
Let Your Spirit impress Your truth on our inmost being, and receive us in mercy, for the sake of our mediator, Jesus Christ, who lives and reigns with You in the unity of the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever. Amen.

Praise to the Lord Almighty

Not what my hands have done

Lord, I put myself fully into Your hands;
I am no longer my own, but yours.
Put me to doing, put me to suffering.
Let me be employed for You or laid aside for You,
Exalted for You or brought low by You.
Let me be full, let me be empty.
Let me have all things, let me have nothing.
I freely and with a willing heart yield all things
To your pleasure and disposal.
And now, O glorious and blessed God,
Father, son and Holy Spirit,
You are mine and I am Yours. So be it.
May this covenant I have made on earth be ratified in heaven.

Guide me O my Great Redeemer
He Leadeth Me

In keeping with God’s promise we are looking forward to a new heaven and a new earth, the home of righteousness. So then, dear friends, make every effort to be found spotless, blameless, and t peace with him. Bear in mind that our Lord’s patience means salvation. So be on your guard and grow in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 3:13-18)
May the God of peace Himself sanctify you entirely; and may your spirit and soul and body be kept sound and blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. Alleluia! Amen. (1 Thess. 5:23)

O God Our Help in Ages Past

New Years Day Service
January 1, 2004

Tuesday, April 20, 2004


You cut me from my roots
that were working so deeply into the earth,
searching for some kind of nourishment,
all in vain.
You chose me,
and once I was loose,
You grafted me to You with your Grace.
Such beauty of movement and expression
reigned from this place I did shoot.
I drew in the fresh,
cool rain drops
of Your showers drenched with Love,
which inspired flowers to bloom forth into the radiance of Your days.
I Relished every flavour of fruitful abundance of joy created.
Narcissus and anemones, hibiscus and rhododendron, grew to the skies,
reaching for the stars,
thriving in the mists of clouds,
bathing in the warmth of the eye of heaven.
My terrestrial life has sunken below waters in time,
afraid to be son-burned.
The mango, pineapple sweet summers frozen over,
I sleep as in a bleak tomb,
my muscles ache to move,
reach once more,
stretch and work with integrity for promise.
To once again, thrive in such glory.
-Jen Boddaert

Last night I was buried and watered, drenched and left to soak.
I toiled through the dirt till the wee hours of morning.
Today I burst through and gasped for breath and found the Sun!
He scooped down and kissed me and raised me up to see further lands.
Lands to journey to, to work hard to be able to see and relish one day
The future is almost ripe for me!
I thirst to bite into it and taste that refreshing juice, feel it dribble down my chin and down my fingers;
It will quench this restless, stirring heat in me!!
But for now I am content to work in the dirt,
play in the dirt,
breath in this fresh, sweet, wholesome air,
soak in the rain,
dance to the drum beat that keeps me moving.
-Jen Boddaert